Spirituality Without Borders

My Epiphany Sermon

2012-01-09T16:45:00.000-06:00

Preached on Sunday, 8th January 2012

Feast of the Epiphany (transferred)

Community of St Francis

The Feast of theEpiphany, otherwise known as the Manifestation of Our Lord JesusChrist Unto the Gentiles. A day of royal personages--or is itastrologers?--visiting the new-born Jesus and his parents. How didMary and Joseph react to these odd visitors claiming to have followeda star that stopped right over the barn in which they were staying?How, indeed.

Undoubtedly, Mary,with some fear, ponders it silently within her heart; Joseph, as agood husband and father, surveys the whole scene with vigilance, and,well, Jesus does what babies do: either burps, coos or sleeps,perhaps cries at these three strange guys bowing in homage beforehim. He did not, I am sure, as some pious Christians mightclaim, raise his little hand in blessing and then proceed to give adiscourse on the Most Holy Trinity! No, the power of the moment liesin the blessed ordinariness of things.

But this is noordinary, ordinary! Things have changed in that our beloved God hasbecome incarnate out of love for us, embracing being humantotally, without sacrificing divinity. This is the amazing mysterywhich we celebrate.

But what aboutthose three rascals hanging around? Who are they, really? Does itmatter? Who knows if this event even took place, but that doesn'tmake it untrue if it did not. The truth lies in but one direction:Christ, to whom all the world's knowledge and power must bow. It isnot we who live; Christ lives in us.

So how do wemanifest this Good News to the gentiles of today? We begin rightwhere we are. We open our hearts in humility, listening first, so asto learn how we might best communicate it. The message is the same,but how it is shared needs nuance depending on the listeners.

We also need torealize that often those needing the Good News most, have actuallyheard it before, but complicate matters by making it all aboutthemselves or get caught in legalities instead of love. ManifestingChrist is so not about us, but how often we forget.

Sharing this News isa revolutionary act! This way of life is dangerous in that it upsetsthe status quo. It challenges and convicts some folks, andthey do not like it. This love does not come without cost. Thereality in Jesus' time is not unlike our own.

To make Christ known,we don't need mega churches, millionaire ministers, or princes/ses ofthe Church dressed in the latest liturgical drag, rather we need butgo and preach the Gospel, using words only if necessary, as FatherFrancis says.

Silence Breaking

2011-12-30T20:11:00.000-06:00

This past year has been one of grieving, growth, deepening friendships, and a new awareness of God. For all, I am grateful. Life is to be lived in all its disorder and messiness.

Any relationship with the Beloved is fraught with peril along the Way. People whose connection with the Divine is always neat and tidy, all wrapped in a bow, scare the hell out of me. Eckhart (as in Meister, not Tolle) prays "God rid me of God." Seems he, too, wrestled with the Ancient of Days as well, not settling for locking God in a tabernacle and throwing away the key.

What fascinates me is that growing up and for much of my young adulthood, I could sense God's presence strongly. Then came a Dark Night, and all was pulled out from underneath me. In that experience, I felt lost, yet still yearning for this seemingly absent Creator. Such is an experience I'd rather not repeat, but have been told by mentors that it will most likely happen again. So this is how you treat your friends, to echo Teresa of Avila!

God operates so subtlety, no grand productions here. It is so easy to miss these movements, but they happen if we are aware and expectant. Though I no longer experience God the way I did for many years, no longer really "feel" God, yet, God is more real to me now than ever, closer than my own breath. One of those paradoxes.

It is within a pregnant silence that the Divine One operates. This "is not that silence is broken, but silence itself breaks, interrupts, the continuous murmur of the Real, thus opening a clearing in which words can be spoken." Aviva Gottlieb Zornberg speaks here from The Murmuring Deep: Reflections on the Biblical Unconscious of the Creation, but, it seems to me that these words can speak of incarnation: the Word is spoken.

Within silence, Word is and words are, uttered. Ah, yet another paradox. God, like a playful lover, leaves hints of Presence everywhere, beckoning us forward, deeper and more broadly. All Creation pulses with the Trinitarian whirl of the Creator, but is not God itself.

So, we empty ourselves but to be filled with and ravished by the Beloved, the only thing we need desire ultimately, for this is Who satiates our hunger. Happy New Year!

O Holy Paradox

2011-12-24T00:44:00.002-06:00

In this time of holy paradox, I find myself full of joy tinged with sadness. That God so loves us to become incarnate never ceases to amaze me; that I miss my parents, both of whom are dead, hurts.

My Mom died a year-and-a-half ago. Some would like me to be over my grief. Well, I'm not. She was my second parent to die, which makes missing her, and Dad, so much more painful this year. It's worse this year than last. It's all part of the grieving process. One's body takes two years to achieve equilibrium after the death of a close loved one and I can feel improvement deeply, thanks be to God, but the emotional side's not so easy and straightforward.

Will I forgo the celebration of Christ's Nativity and Incarnation? Absolutely not! It's the joy that gives me strength, not in denying the pain, but knowing that love conquers it. Quite simply, God knows our joys and pains intimately, which brings deep comfort. The love of God is awesome.

We Christians celebrate the Triune God, not three different gods. The Trinity is God-as-verb, always loving, always in motion, dancing, as it were. This reminds us that we're not in this alone but are called to community. Within its heart, we embrace each other in happiness and sadness, honoring that of God within each other. It is here that Christ is born: Glorify Him!

A Terrible Beauty

2011-12-22T02:08:00.000-06:00

Advent is "a terrible beauty," to use Butler Yeats' immortal description of Ireland, a land racked with so much pain yet overwhelming beauty. This season invites us to open ourselves to the humbling mystery of the Incarnation with its awesome ramifications, yet, intense pain,

for this child will be the falling and rising of many

in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so

that the inner thoughts of many will be revealed,

and a sword will pierce your own soul too (Lk 2:34-35).

So many want "Happy Birthday, Jesus" and a blond boy with blue eyes blissfully looking over his adulating fans. Funny scripture doesn't support this. Some, more than many think, in fact want to coo over this baby and keep him right where he is, in the manger. Such as these accumulate their own thirty pieces of silver to betray their Lord when the time comes, and it ALWAYS comes.

The prophet, Simeon, speaks to those of us who walk with Christ as much as to Maryam, his mother. The signs of the present time speak ominously. Many talk Jesus...how nice. Those who do seem to rise to the heights as a result, but if we listen beyond the rhetoric, we hear what they really say: and it is evil, for evil uses the language of it's enemy, but is a cheap imitation. Many who act like Jesus, on the other hand, well, they look around, go to the low places, and see what's what.

The late archbishop, Dom Helder Camara, laments that when he feeds the poor, he's called a saint. When he asks why they are poor, he's called a communist.

Contemplatives stand on the margins and look with the eyes of Christ--not a political party or economic theory--and ask why things are they way they are. They do this out of self-emptying love. Compassion pierces one's very being. Grace may be offered freely, but it is never cheap.

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

Rosie's Rant

2011-12-13T21:55:00.001-06:00

Sparks flew recently when Rosie O'Donnell responded to David Letterman's tasteless lines from his monologue referencing her recent engagement. Rosie's response was rather boisterous, which is no surprise.

Now, could Rosie have chosen to respond from her heart and simply say on the air how his stereotypical comments hurt her feelings and those of her fiancee? Could she have also mentioned that language like he used actually contributes to young GLBT folks killing themselves? Yes, she could have.

Humor at another's expense hurts those joked about, and insults the genre itself. This is unacceptable. Life is funny enough without having to cut someone else down for a cheap laugh. Someone who has the need to do so either was never funny or has lost his or her touch.

It seems to me that Rosie's response comes from anger and hurt. Perhaps she's tired of having to be "nice" all the time, smile, and accept the jokes and the use of the word "gay" as something negative. Maybe she's a bit yanked at being called "sensitive" for reacting to such hate, for that's what it is. I get that, because, frankly, I know the taste of bile that burns my throat after repressing, yet again, another slur, however couched, and, like her, am damned tired of it.

Let's get one thing clear: those who know me, know that I do not wear my sexuality on my sleeve as it's a deeply integrated part of who I am. Quite simply, I am a man who happens to be gay, but this is among many other aspects that make me, me. The anger is justified, but the response is up to me (and to Rosie).

Jesus knew ridicule; so did Francis and Clare of Assisi. Holding others accountable is certainly a holy thing to do, but not by attacking or getting snarky back at them. It means standing in the Crucified One's embrace and allowing the compassion of God to teach us humility, that we are one in this Triune Mystery. It's a struggle I live daily.

Blooming in the Cold Night Air

2011-12-12T18:49:00.000-06:00

Now the slightly out-of-focus picture above might not seem sensational, but the story behind it's pretty cool, to me at least. Read on...

In the last week or so, temperatures dipped below freezing several nights. The beautiful rose bushes still had several buds on them ready to burst, yes, in December. I just assumed after the cold, the buds were dead, but I got an idea.

Instead of cutting them off and dropping them in the garden to fertilize the ground, I decided to bring them in the house and put them in some water, fully expecting nothing to happen. Well, within a day, the buds opened a bit; I was happy with that. Over the next few days they really opened and are exquisite. The yellow ones, which were my late Mom's favorite, have such a lovely aroma.

All Creation manifests the work of the Master, even in freezing December. God is present and we stand on holy ground.

O Root of Jesse, come!

2011-12-09T18:58:00.001-06:00

What joy that the semester is now over. Phew! It was actually a wonderful time, but draining nonetheless. I have deep gratitude for my professors and those with whom I shared classes.

It's been interesting this Advent that I have been able to remain almost completely oblivious to the hustle and bustle of carols and decorations, intense focus on gifts, and the like. I am aware of it, but only as a gnat in the ear: it's there, you know it, but it doesn't really affect you much (or at least in my case it doesn't).

Blessedly, this has been a year in which I can immerse myself in the pregnant possibilities anticipating the coming of Jesus Christ. It is at once realizing that Incarnation is already reality, God pouring out in deep humility, yet, looking for the coming of Christ within each one of us who profess to follow him. We are called to imitate "not in a literal mimicking of Christ, rather, it means becoming the image of the beloved, an image disclosed through transformation...we are to become vessels of God's compassionate love for others" (Franciscan Prayer, Ilia Delio, osf 68).

By emptying ourselves, we make room for a relationship with Christ, hence, the Triune God, that allows us to realize God in everything, everything in God, and to allow compassion to grow within us. Advent is a time to ponder that, and to dwell in the hope of shalom, wholeness, within God's embrace. This includes all Creation, which is not God, but made by God. God becomes fully human out of a deep love for what God has made.

Like awaiting our lover, we groan and yearn in anticipation. If we focus on bargains and baubles, artificial lights that fill the skies, we miss the One True Light, who can be seen shining in deep darkness. He comes for us.

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus, Come!

Occupy "Occupy"...Oy!

2011-11-24T02:04:00.001-06:00

The Occupy phenomenon inspires me greatly, as many who read this blog know. While I may not agree with how they do everything, I do agree with fighting against greed in the form of corporate personhood, dehumanization, and the curtailing of our civil rights when we truly begin to assert them.

The protesters' commitment to nonviolent direct action and "leaderless" governance through General Assembly is nothing short of amazing. The harsh actions of the police in many cities against the them, speaks to the power and truth of this movement's goals. But "Occupy" has pretty much become a brand name now.

Pretty soon, we will have to occupy Occupy to reclaim it! Whenever a word gets overly conceptualized and repeated, it loses its force and its power. We need to avoid making it an idol, when it should be an icon, pointing beyond itself.

I am guilty myself, in that I coordinated "Occupy Eucharist." Simply "Eucharist" would have sufficed.

Let us focus, then, on occupying the hearts and minds of our brothers and sisters here and around the world, making compassion and justice flow.

Yup, I'm Pissed!

2011-11-17T16:38:00.001-06:00

Eston William Nelson, II

The world's madness seems much more prevalent to me these days. We live in a society that, among so many other insanities, allows innocent children get bullied to death. Have we lost our bloomin' minds? Yup, looks like it.

Eston Nelson, II, was one of those innocents; he died by his own hand. Apparently his school had anti-bullying policies, but these didn't save him. 15 years old, dead. All his dreams and talents lying in the ground. What the hell?

Evil exists. The more we feed it, the more it grows. The more we avoid exorcising our own inner demons, the more they fester. Yes, any one of us can be the bully or the one who does nothing to stop it. Both live within us.

Right now, however, I simply need to be pissed off. Will I remain so? Of course not, because as a person of faith, hope lives in my heart and spurs me to be compassion. This leads me to strive toward realizing the Beloved Community.

This darkness will pass but never be forgotten; for right now, though, I am pissed, grieving the death of still another bright light gone out for no damn good reason. Ya can't let it go until you walk right through it!

And when I do let these emotions go, then I can pray for those who hurt this beautiful child, for their conversion to wholeness.

Having Fun

2011-11-12T14:49:00.001-06:00

What joy last evening to have a laid back dinner with some very close friends, and then head over to an Irish pub to drink and sing. Between pursuit of a Masters degree, working with Protest Chaplains Chicago, jointly running a household, and co-nurturing a relationship--all wonderful things--it's easy to forget to just have fun.

It is, likewise, tempting to think one shouldn't have fun due to all the problems in the world, too much to do, or any one of a million excuses for avoiding it. But this is wrong. We cannot lose our capacity for play, or we become spiritually stagnant. Would that more of it existed in our work lives and our worship. Letting one's hair down gives us chance to get over ourselves and our feelings of self importance. It is humbling without being sickeningly pious, and gives the Beloved the chance to dance with us, perhaps unawares.

Play, furthermore, allows us to touch the timeless capacity of life, to truly dance in the fields of the Lord. While it is true that "we don't have time, time has us" as I believe Heidegger says, we need to transcend it to touch our deepest real selves.

We are way too serious these days. Yes, we have much on our minds, collectively and individually, but we must let go from time to time. It clears the mind and frees the heart.

Within the Many, One; Within the One, Many

2011-11-06T00:11:00.000-05:00

The Ven Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that "the Buddha of the future will be the sangha," which is the spiritual community; Jesus tells us that when two or three gather in his name, he is present (Mt 18:20). Those among us who've opened to the Beloved's beckoning know this and feel it intimately, not only with all humans, but sentient and non sentient Life. It just IS.

As sure as mountain streams roar back to their source, so, to, do we. When we let go, completely, in surrender to That Which Is, we enter into that mysterious embrace totally, only to emerge, changed, yet the same, not same. But we "return" to the love found in community, and, thus lead others to surrender and, who thus find themselves changed irrevocably as well.

Being holy, however, is not the same as being perfect. Because we are individuals, we each have likes and dislikes, character facets and flaws. Holy community smooths the edges, allowing the good to shine in each member, and the whole body. But the roughness rarely gets completely polished out. Perhaps the shadow side remains because the Beloved somehow works through that too (If you don't believe me, read the Hebrew Scriptures and see how true this is). If nothing else, it reminds us who we are and Whose we are.

It seems to me, too, that these weaknesses bring us together. We compliment each other, filling in the other's lack, thus only working well together, for even when we're doing something "alone," if it is good, it benefits more than ourselves ultimately. Buddha, Dharma, Sangha; Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Love, Lover and Beloved: the Divine Dancing keeps going, and we're a part of it.

Eye of the Storm

2011-10-27T17:11:00.002-05:00

hellacious tempestosity whipping about,
topsy turvy sychophantic drivel
dripping microphonage,
unarmed innocents droppingness

stormy winds blow fierce,
soul within glows, Eye-- center maddening
clouds gathering, menancing's lair,
yet, radiance untroubled that...

seeing seven circles dance indigo waltz,
golden-white flowosity, candle igniting
squalls angers crushing not,
but Thee beyond me, within

four-chambered synchronicity's happenstance,
beats timbre rouse, complementariness stand,
consume, diamodine erase edgeness rough,
coal's seed's potentialities, always within, without

steps carry high-low wandering, mountanous valleying sameness see,
but stop, Thy feet but carry, jesterish Beloved,
coquettish divinity alooking out my eyes others back me,
deciding not surrender's hope, it happens mind looks away

turbanically inclined greeness, agarmented whiteness blazing,
being's likeness emblazoned One without being, yet realness abounds,
embrace consumation's yearningness, transfigurations bloometh,
waterfll's clapping delight, mountains laughter resounding whole

look at him, look at her, look at me, look at Thee,
all is One illumination's drag falls,
Thine eyes look out from within in all places blest,
Thy womb births forth compassion's justice mercy kind, drumbeats home...

Yossi Lopez-Hineynu, Copyright 2011~All Rights Reserved

Semper Fi

2011-10-27T00:14:00.003-05:00

American pieta...

mourning-beat cadence

tear-gassed memories weep,

no toy bullets these,

strike down United States Marine

KYRIE ELEISON!

young man dodges bullets, Iraqi style,

only to stand on his own soil embracing,

gaping, bleeding,

brain-swelling madness, countryman trigger pulls

CHRISTE ELEISON!

only-following-orders cop,

oligarchian stooge, sees notown rape, dispensibility's bitch,

modernity's masochism sadistically smacks

KYRIE ELEISON!

when inanimate breath given,

people suffocate, dungscent choking,

cranial-recto symdrome's governance,

zombie land macabria serenade, spilt-tea runneth over...

LORD, JESUS CHRIST,

drumming hue raise,

new day hope's a blazing,

peace full abundancian determination,

claiming self's wholeness, society's reality

HAVE MERCY...

justice peace kiss dew's blissian truth,

that which of, for and by

PEOPLE asleep no more, greet morning dew's benediction,

changing times trajectory

ABBA, FORGIVE THEM, THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DO

clouds shan't disperse immediacy's urgency,

Truth's quaking rousing wrath, Ozian mirage fierce,

strike swift-snake fangosity rip,

biter bitten becomes

The backlash begins

2011-10-26T00:10:00.003-05:00

The last time I checked, Americans still had the right to free speech and peaceful assembly. That is, until it affects the status quo. Then, apparently, all bets are off. What hubris for our government to decry the abuse of human rights in other countries, when it allows it to happen here. No wonder so many in the world despise our hypocrisy.

First we had mounted police pushing into groups of protesters in New York City's Times Square, then nurses and others not allowed to make their phone call, given something to eat, and generally harassed while in the custody of the Chicago Police Department, and now rubber bullets and tear gas in Oakland. Seems a bit much considering the protesters are unarmed and nonviolent, dontcha think? Hmmm, let's see now...

The protests are working, people!

The response continues to get even more heavy handed, and will get more harsh, count on it. The status quo is getting nervous because the Truth makes tyrants shake. As a person of faith, I love the police, the mayors, the corporate tycoons and pray that their hearts might be opened: but their actions can never be condoned.They must be held accountable.

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."

Gandhi

How amazing that images of the brutality against the occupiers goes around the world in an instant, and yet it continues. Now is the time to keep faith and remain strong. It's not going to be easy, but we can't get to a more just society without going through it.

Let justice roll down like the waters and righteousness like an evenflowing stream!

~Amos

Let justice roll down

2011-10-23T16:17:00.002-05:00

This week at Occupy Chicago seemed to find even more energy and urgency. From what I gather, the Jackson "L" stops on the Red and Blue lines were temporarily closed, right before the march from the financial district to Grant Park. Yes, the voices of this principled group are being heard, indeed.

It takes time, but this Movment's growing because Americans know that coporations are NOT people and that they should not have so much power influencing our government and rolling in profits while laying off folks. As people of faith wallking with the Beloved, we, too, know that the greed so prevalent today harms not only us as people, but all Life. It must stop.

Some might object to my participation, and that of other clergy, reasoning that we should "tend to our flocks" or our ministries, that we should not be so "partisan". They would prefer that we fulfill our duties by pacifying folks to accept their lot in life by never questioning authority. Religion has colluded in this manner for far too long, and it's time for it touch people where they are by recapturing its prophetic voice.

Jesus loves all people, but there exists absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would place himself right among the occupiers. He would certainly attempt to challenge those in power, hoping to melt their hearts of ice with the fire of compassion. He would call them to wake up. But if all attempts failed, he would continue loving them, but would shake the dust from his feet (Lk 9:5; Mt 10:14) and, yet, not be adverse to driving the moneychangers from his father's house (John 2:13-16). The world is the Creator's house and it needs cleansing.

This needed change will not happen over night, nor should it espouse violence on the side of the occupiers. It's about maintaining faith during the long haul, which will, most likely, see violence on the side of those in power as it becomes more apparent to them that those occupying are not going away.

Those of us who serve as "Protest Chaplains," as some call us, open ourselves in deep availability and spiritual presence, serving any and all whom we encounter, no matter what they believe or don't believe about God. We challenge all to remind mindful, for by such focused awareness, we literally change others, and the world. While we are part of the 99% ourselves, we live in the tension that calls us to be in but not completely of the Movment, so that we can raise prophetic voices to the occupiers when necessary and keep vigilant watch for their safety as the response to their witness gets stronger and potentially more violent.

These are deeply sacramental times, if we allow ourselves to remain completely open to them. The Holy Spirit's speaking strongly to a bold expression of compassion, justice and peace. Let us bow in humble awe to the God who makes all things new, serving as midwives to this new birth...

Occupy Chicago

2011-10-19T18:21:00.000-05:00

What an amazing experience to join Occupy Chicago this past Saturday. As a provisional (soon-to-be ordained) minister, OUnI encouraged me strongly to wear a clergy collar and the OUnI pendant. The intense energy and nonviolence of this occupation moved me deeply.

Amazing conversations took place with folks; they all appreciated a clergyperson's presence, particularly one who stood with them, without an agenda other than radiating God's love. I spoke with two young men who had worked in the financial industry until realizing how ruthless it was. They each lamented the lack of compassion within; they know economics, so are not chanting merely to hear their own voices. Things need to change, now.

Another man spoke to me of being blessed to own his house and have security, but being alarmed that so many do not have the necessitites of life. He said that more folks needed to come out and occupy. A woman spoke to me of how her faith, expressed through the United Church of Christ, inspires her to work for justice and peace. Her late grandfather founded Protestants for the Common Good; seems that apple didn't fall too far from the tree!

The diversity of the occupiers struck me as well: men and women of various ages and economic classes, African-Americans, Asians, Caucasians, Latin Americans. I saw some young Muslim women wearing hijabs occupying as well. A Presbyterian pastor spoke at the General Assembly. Yes, the Communists and Socialists were present, and in a democracy should be, but the majority of people were there due to righteous anger at the greed so prevelant today which causes so much suffering. The energy was palpable.

A country that bails out banks whose CEO's whine having to go without a pay raise on the $10 million salary they already receive, has its priorities screwed up. Likewise, when some of our fellow Americans applaud allowing the death of an albeit hypothetical man without insurance, boo a solider who happens to be gay, or seem to have no problem with the mounting ranks of homeless people in a land with empty houses, we need to take a moral inventory.

When young gay and lesbian youth take their lives due to bullying and officials in some places don't care, those officials need to be held accountable and the parents of the bulliers held responsible, along with the bullying kids themselves. Likewise, we need to learn from the Vietnam Conflict, and get out countries in which we don't belong and in which the people don't want us. We as a nation have lost our soul.

My hope is not only that the occupations continue around the world, but that real change results as a result of the pressure, particularly at the ballot box. Injustice reigns. Rooted in the power of the Holy Spirit, we need to reach out in love to each other, whether 1% or 99%, and come together 100% in Beloved Community. When we do, compassion and justice shall kiss and our priorities shall be made straight; I shudder to think what will happen if we don't.

Occupation to Beloved Community

2011-10-13T18:53:00.001-05:00

What absolute brilliance of folks from Catholics United recreating a universally known symbol and galvanizing the religious presence at Occupy Wall Street. The Golden Bull brought representatives from many religions together in universal witness against the greed and hatred experienced today in our society. Christianity, in particular, usually seems to be ignored in movements like this, but not anymore.

We Christians speak of the Beloved Community, and that needs to be our paradigm here so that we may witness for the long haul, and inspire others to do the same. Sustained by prayer, sacrament and Word, we carry on, carrying on. We can do no less.

Part of our witness as those who walk with Jesus, as difficult as it can be, is to remember Christ loves all, even the corporate CEO whining about not getting a raise on his $10 million salary or the politician who sees the occupiers as somehow unpatriotic. Loving those who agree with us is easy; loving those with whom we don't, and seeing that of God within them as people, not so much. But doing anything less renders us false witnesses.

We need to be the Good News! Occupying Wall Street and participating in partner occupations in cities around the country give us the opportunity and place to do so, reaching thousands who'd never darken the door of a church. And we do this by being open vessels, holding ourselves in vulnerability for others, simple presence. We do this by participating in the Cross, laying down our lives for our friends (John 15:12-13).

This movement needs to be about conversion of all our hearts, regardless of religion or non, not merely realignment of assets or defeating candidates. It compels us to make the collective and personal, spiritual, not just political. We need to come together as One with the Beloved and make for compassion and justice.

Simply Catholic

2011-10-06T01:14:00.000-05:00

What a difference a day makes! The seed that was planted last evening during the Eucharist has begun to sprout. So much so, that I spent most of today at the Chapter of the Franciscans of Reconciliation! The Holy Spirit's moving here. What a fantastic group of men and women living out Francis' vision walking with the Lord.

One thing's for sure: I'm a Catholic. Oh, not Roman Catholic, just simply Catholic, holding the faith once delivered to the saints. It's who God made me to be and the context from which I function. My roots run deep in this rich incarnational and sacramental reality.

With Saints Francis and Clare, I share the joy of seeing God's handiwork in all Creation. To surrender all to the Beloved gives such freedom. Quite simply: I am not in control, though often in my hubris, I'd like to think that I am.

While I dearly love the Episcopal Church, and the Church of St Paul and the Redeemer, it's not where my heart is. But neither can I in good conscience return to the Roman Catholic Church. My resonance lies with the Ecumenical Catholic Communion. I have watched it grow and mature over the years, and now need to see how I become a member.

Now, does this change my call to interspiritual witness? Absolutely not. With the late Karl Rahner, sj, among others, I agree that's God's grace flows wherever God chooses to direct it, even beyond the boundaries of the Church, or even Christianity. But that doesn't prevent me from accepting the Creeds, as long as they are not turned into idols, blocking people's real experience of the Triune God, yet also seeing & honoring that of God working in others who don't share my faith.

So this means letting all go to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I will have to see if my ordination as an interfaith minister works without violating the canons somehow (though it would not be recognized within the ECC, that I know), not to mention my inactive transitional deaconal ordination (no one's sure if that bishop had vaild Succession or not, but I digress) from several years ago. If this is accepted and regularized, can I then be ordained presbyter? Would I even ask that the original ordination be regularized? Would I petition to have my profession of Religious Vows, made over three years ago, received by the Franciscans of Reconciliation? Frankly, I have no idea!

Getting out of God's way and letting be what needs be is the whole point. So, I ask your prayers that my heart remains completely open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, leading to reconciling and serving the People of God. Many blessings of gratitude.

Powerful Feast of Francis this day...

2011-10-04T23:49:00.000-05:00

What joy this day was, though it started as a comedy of errors. I forgot my cell phone as I left the house for classes, was late to Mass for Francis' feast thanks to a slow train, then my beloved was really late picking me up afterward, due to a major accident holding up traffic on Lake Shore Drive. And guess what?: it just didn't matter...

The Franciscans of Reconciliation, part of the Ecumenical Catholic Communion, are meeting in Chapter this week in Evanston, IL. Some dear friends of mine are part of the Order and the ECC, and invited me to celebrate the Founder's Feast with them...

I did get to hear most of the homily, and Fr Fred, ofr, was speaking about the Tau cross, which I wear, being used by Francis to mark places which he visited as a sign of blessing. He also said that people know us as Franciscans when we wear that cross. Yes, they do.

Today was the first day I wore my Tau cross, with knots in the cord representing my vows as a Professed Religious. I had a lovely conversation with a Sister from Poland in one of my classes about my community. Between classes, another lovely Sister in an ankle-length grey habit and I exchanged that knowing smile between Religious as I was walking outside to another class. How beautiful.

Two powerful things happened to me at the Mass, though. The first was the Kiss of Peace, being hugged by so many Franciscans, most of whom I did not know! It felt good to be home, though I am a part of another expression of Francis and Clare's charism. The other: receiving the Eucharist for the first time since a few weeks after Pentecost. Christ called me and I answered my Love.

The Eucharistic prayer blew me over: prayers for Benedict, Bishop of Rome; Bartholomew, Patriarch of Constantinople; Rowan, Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Archbishop of Utretch (Old Catholic), plus prayers for all Christians, for Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, Muslims, etc and for those who cannot believe at this time were said. The latter prayers were for our non Catholic brethren as they are and where they are, not prayers for their conversion--how beautiful and appropriate. God's love and mercy flows on all.

No lightning struck, no bells rang, no tears fell, just a deep, though overwhelming feeling, shock really, of the power of God's love. I realized much later, that I was so stunned, that I didn't even go to the reception afterward: I needed to walk with my Lord in humble gratitude, having moved beyond a liminal space into a greater surety about things.

Seeing two postulants become Novices and a Sister make her First Profession merely added to the gift of this day. May the blessing of Francis and Clare, and, most importantly, Our Lord, be with them as they begin this next phase of their journey as Franciscans. The Franciscans of Reconciliation preached the Gospel this evening, and didn't need words, thanks be to God!

What a gift on this Feast of St Francis.

Tau Cross

Hip Jesus or Christ Among Us

2011-09-24T01:53:00.002-05:00

An empire being forged, great wealth in the hands of a few, power the name of the game, and winning at all costs co-opting Jesus as supporting one's righteous (sic) cause over another's--the more things change...

"Right" or "Left" doesn't matter. Jesus drips nice platitudes of individual salvation, blessing greed along the way for the Right; he becomes the great social revolutionary to the Left, speaking only of corporate sin. In their quest to make Jesus hip, both "sides" strip him of who he is: the humanity of God.

In the poetic subtlety of the Beloved, Jesus radiates Triune Light and Love, because he participates therein. How that happens, I do not know. That it expresses reality in my heart challenges me to surrender, to walk with him and touch those needing the Good News.

But a big part of such blessed tidings involves letting Jesus and his Way challenge us to the core, not just those whose views we do not share. It means dropping the caricatures, the idols, we have of Jesus, this garden-statue niceness, and allowing the flesh-and-blood Lord transform and transfigure us. Doing anything less renders him impotent, which is where too many of us really want him, but that's not Who he Is.

Ya, there have been thousands of god-men in various cultures, fine. Name one who has ever been described as fully human and fully divine, NOT some half god, half man spawn of capricious gods having their way with some hapless mortal female. Jesus is simply not the same, being born of a woman who says 'YES' to God.

But even saying that, it seems to me that God weaves a tremendous tapestry in different colors and textures. It is not for me to force anyone away from his or her religion or to judge what they believe. Two people can disagree about the specifics, but, when they transcend those differences below the surface level, they find a deep unity, even when their respective traditions don't agree. Let us come together where we can, rooted, however gently, within in our respective traditions.

None of what I have written thus far changes anything much in my previous posts regarding 'disorganized religion' nor does it invalidate my calling as an interspiritual minister. I still stand by the assertion that the Church, (and organized religion in general) needs to learn some genuine humility. Keep the doctrines and teachings, but do not cling so tightly to them that they kill Christ all over again and destroy his message by becoming the most important thing. But don't water down EVERYTHING to the point that it's meaningless either.

But let those who call ourselves Christians, begin with the laying on of hands, the prayers and the breaking of the bread, and let us know Christ among us. Peace and all good.

So Much Death

2011-09-22T00:22:00.001-05:00

In memory of Troy Anthony Davis, who was innocent, and Lawrence Brewer, who adamantly

was not, both of whom died of lethal injection...

I also remember Jamey Rodemeyer, who took his own life as the result of bullying...

All three of these men were on death row, in a manner of speaking. Yes, two were in prison physically, though only one, Brewer, justly. Jamey was imprisoned by internalizing the hate flung at him by heterosexists and homophobes, who decided for themselves that he should go to hell simply for who he was...a young gay man.

It's easier for me to feel sympathy for Troy and Jamey, but as a person of faith, I at least have to forgive Lawrence Brewer, even if he doesn't want it. I want to hate him for what he did to James Byrd. I want to hate him for not repenting for his crime. I hate that part of myself that has the potential to be him.

I also want to hate those who taunted Jamey, and while I am Jamey, I am also his taunters. We cannot defeat evil within us until we acknowledge its presence, even if not active. Troy Davis prayed for God's mercy on his executors and called down God's blessing upon them; how can I do any less?

But enough with hate. It is time to forgive, for ourselves, and to love, all of which make for a deeply rooted compassion leading to justice. Let us not give up the fight for LIFE in all its manifestations. We have a responsibility to make this world a better place with God's grace, so let's do it, so the executions, all of them, may stop and boys like Jamey don't have to kill themselves because no one at school is listening. Let us choose life...

Mindfulness

2011-09-21T11:30:00.002-05:00

The Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the foremost Buddhist teachers alive today, who is regarded by many as a living Buddha, teaches about mindfulness practice. He speaks of being aware of the breath, being present to Now. He teaches about mindfulness leading to peace: transforming self leads to touching others.

"Being aware of being aware and paying attention to one's intention" forms the basis of mindfulness, Dr Daniel J. Siegel, psychiatrist and author, points out in his talk to Google employees and in his books: Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation and The Mindful Brain. His research puts a scientific foundation to this 2500-year-old practice.

Many practices can bring one to mindfulness. Centering prayer, mantra chanting, walking the labyrinth, reciting the Jesus Prayer, meditation--but whatever practice is used, it must be so consistently and must be done for at least thirty minutes a day. Both Dr Siegel and Thay (which means 'teacher' in Vietnamese) point out that the resulting transformation renders great health benefits, such as reduced blood pressure and less stress, but also a change in the person, allowing him or her to be deeply attuned with another's emotions and feelings.

Watch the video and/or get ahold of one or both of Dr Siegel's books for a full explanation of how mindfulness changes self and others (his work on mindfulness and significant decrease in bullying is astounding). You will also learn that the brain changes physically as the result of such a longstanding practice, leading to whole-brain awareness and thinking. While contemplatives have been aware of this for millenia, the science now explains and supports it fully.

We have work to do! Such transformation is not simply for mystics locked away in a cave or at the top of a mountain, though it's for them too, but for each of us. According to Jesus, the Reign of God is within us, so let's get busy realizing it, truly making for peace.

An Instrument of Thy Peace

2011-09-15T01:35:00.001-05:00

An American-born Muslim man finds a drawing of the World Trade Center towers with a plane flying toward them and the words "Have a Happy September 11th" scrawled on his take out. A gay North Carolina college student is branded and burned, and a courageous and honest Roman Catholic priest, Fr. Roy Bourgeois, is getting booted from his order for speaking his conscience while almost forty bishops have not been punished for crimes against innocents. This is but a small sampling of the insanity that's going on today. What the hell?

The level of nastiness seems more apparent now more than ever. Self-righteous hatred spewing forth its venom tears supposedly civilized people apart. Who needs hell post-mortem, when it exists right here, created quite well by humans?

Everything is turned upside down. Sometimes I'd like to say "the hell with it," and go back to sleep and it will all go away. Uh, not. No, a contemplative must go right into the evil, knowing he or she will come out bloody and perhaps, scarred, perhaps dead, but transformed nonetheless. But he or she must do so completely surrendered to the Beloved.

True humility acknowledges that I, myself, can just as easily be the hater. In reality: I am the hater, the hated, the one who is silent looking the other way, and, hopefully, the one working for justice in the hopes peace might break out.

Truly "the answer my friends is blowing in the wind" if we but listen deeply. The ruach, the Beloved's holy breath, Holy Spirit, stings our eyes and whips our cheeks, demanding compassionate justice, which includes a call to conversion for that which hates within ourselves and others. Talk is cheap and pious platitudes cannot carry the day: it's time to walk the walk, people!

Like Saint Francis, let us surrender all, even our cherished identities, as he shed his clothes in Assisi's town square, in his case (and mine), giving it all to walk with Jesus. Change will not happen over night, but it continues, and love triumphs.

We Remember...September 11th

2011-09-11T00:23:00.001-05:00

One of the things I promised myself I wouldn't say in a post about the events of September 11, 2001, was that we lost our innocence then. We did not. That was lost long before that terrible day when over three thousand Americans--Atheists, Buddhists, Catholics, Hindus, Jews, Muslims, Protestants, Sikhs, those without a religious tradition yet still believers in God, and others--died together.

I mourn for all those who died in the Towers, the Pentagon, and in rural Pennsylvania. I mourn the First Responders, like Fr Mychal Judge, ofm, above, who died attempting to save others. I mourn the countless thousands who have died in the 'fight against terrorism,' civilians and soldiers alike. May their memories be for a blessing.

There's a subgroup within those casualties I'd like to remember especially: those that jumped. Many seeing no other recourse chose to take the situation into their own hands rather than allow collapse, fire or smoke kill them. It's easy to moralize, but until anyone of us is in a similar situation, it seems prudent to remain silent.

A few years ago I saw a news story in which a man spoke of searching to see if any photographic evidence existed showing his wife jumping, as opposed to falling or being sucked out a window. He was actually relieved when he, indeed, found two pictures of her: one of her standing on a very high floor in a window frame that had been blown out and no way to be rescued. The second showed her after she had just jumped and was midair. This man said it actually comforted him that she made the decision in light of the odds.

I also wish to remember those heroes, largely unknown, who reached out to others, without thought to themselves. I think of the Orthodox Jewish man who had a good chance of making it out but chose to stay behind with a gentleman in a wheelchair whom he came upon in a tower stairwell, the latter telling those trying to help him to leave him and save themselves.

Fr Mychal Judge, the saintly Franciscan deserves mention as well. He was an earthy saint: no fake piety about him. He died doing what a priest does in such a horrific situation: administering last rites to a fallen firefighter. Mychal was being the chaplain he was. He's certainly one of my patrons as a Franciscan and future chaplain.

So much horror that day, so much death and injury, yet so many acts of grace and love, too. My prayer is that we demand peace of our leaders, and that we embody compassion and love to others, no matter what. Hatred spewed from those who flew the planes that clear morning, but it cannot, must not have the last word. Lord make us instruments of thy peace...

Salaam, shalom, namaste, peace...

Some Sites of Interest

2011-09-09T17:01:00.001-05:00

Every once in a while, I will suggest a few sites to visit. This doesn't mean I agree with everything that's contained therein, but it's always good to be challenged...so, to that end, check out sites of some friends of mine:

Jack Stafford's site

Theodore Richard's site

Barbara Flaherty's site

Community of St Francis, Chicago

Ecumenical Franciscan Order

Mercy of God Community

Andrew Cort's site

Patience With the Little Things

2011-09-09T16:40:00.000-05:00

Patience, particularly with "little" things, is not always at the top of my list of virtues, LOL! For whatever reason, the bigger things in life don't bother me when I have to endure, wait, but some of those little ones...not so much. My Franciscan heart, however, would certainly find me, like our friend above, stopping traffic for Mama duck& Family waiting for them to cross the street, because that's the thing to do...but I digress!

Recently, my ordination as interspiritual clergy was postponed essentially due to a communication glitch from my ordaining body (which resulted from technology issues mostly). Things happen.

When learning of the postponement originally, it hit me like a football in the gut. I also didn't know that I would be ordained with others, which is in itself not an issue, other than I won't be able to plan the whole liturgy. In the words of a dear friend: "You must be so disappointed since you are so ready..." Yup, she was right. While I didn't allow my emotions to control me too much, I was angry and a little hurt, and not feeling so patient. But part of maturity involves experiencing the emotion without getting too entangled, and letting it flow away.

Thankfully, dear friends reminded me that the experience, when it does happen, might just be even more amazing...so, we wait, together, for that day. And, another pointed out that nothing is preventing a separate celebration liturgy at a later date.

These are good lessons learned, and re-learned. We all need to continually slow down and look for the signs from the Beloved, and follow them. We need let things BE...

So, whenever I am ordained to the ministry and however that takes place, it will be a day of great joy. It will be a YES moment! And, either the next day or the next week, I will preside at a Eucharistic liturgy, at once deeply Christian, and interspiritual, planned with friends.

On a separate note: I have joined the Tau Community of Interfaith Franciscans USA, which is affiliated with OUnI and the Community of the Mystic Heart. (I'd like the name to drop 'interfaith' and add 'interspiritual', but I digress). Walking the razor thin line between the Christian roots of Francis and Clare and the interspiritual witness is a profound challenge. May the Beloved so bless this endeavor...

This Fragile Beauty

2011-09-04T22:53:00.002-05:00

The Great Smoky Mountains

What a lovely range of mountains. A bit worn over time, but they feel like an old pair of jeans, a perfect fit. Water, weather, wind, have whipped these majestic beauties over millennia, but they are regal beyond description. Nothing random in that, methinks.

Terrifying to believe that in some places, companies have purchased mineral rights, which means they can destroy a mountain to get to what's beneath. To attack Grandmother Earth is a form a rape and must be stopped.

We humans have done a number on Grandmother Earth the world over, and it's those of us in the so-called First World. We seem to think we're entitled, rather than listening to the Earth's voice. We must treat our Elder rightly and tread softly upon her, using what we need, and giving back to replenish her bounty.

The Beloved Community not only includes the People of God, but also Granny Earth and all that she contains, from animal life to minerals. Justice is pointless if it's not all embracing. It is up to us to begin listening again by getting closer to her.

If God is in all things and all things are within the Ancient of Days, we must honor the sacrament that is the earth, for it manifests the Divine, though the planet itself is not God, of course. We need our hearts to beat in resonance with the hum of Life in order to take action to protect our home.

Holy Instinct

2011-09-01T01:50:00.000-05:00

What a deeply beautiful and profound picture. A mother bird shielding her young; she doesn't even have to think about it. She simply does it.

How much more with the Beloved who embraces and enlivens us! Being at a place in life where concepts have fallen by the side of the road, as it were, does not stop me seeing God in this action. What Greatness to have caused mother bird to have evolved to a point of protecting her young. How much more so that we humans, who have a mind to know and heart to love, though we certainly have the same instinct, can choose to love and protect those not as strong, whether our children, the elderly, the oppressed.

For people of faith, though still a choice, this empowering and protective action becomes second nature. It really becomes instinctual if we surrender humbly to the power of God, and let love guide us. Let us encourage each other to do so!

Back to School...

2011-08-28T22:38:00.000-05:00

Well, classes begin for my second semester in grad school. I am so excited as I love this program and Loyola University. God has blessed me with phenomenal professors and great friends. How can that be beat?

Tomorrow: Rahner and Tillich with Fr Thomas O'Meara, op; Tuesday: 1st: Psychological Development of the Human Person and 2nd: Liturgy and Sacraments. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, I work in the Institute's office from 1-5pm. Life is good! Lots of reading this semester, which rocks as always.

Loyola is known for training chaplains well; it doesn't matter what faith tradition, or none, from which you come. No doubt in my mind that this is where I need to be, thanks be to God.

It is also a good place to dialogue and witness to the interspiritual path. This is the calling of the Beloved for me. May I, by the Beloved's love, do it justice and light the world on fire!

Beloved Community

2011-08-27T20:33:00.000-05:00

Flower of Life

I experienced the Beloved Community last night. This gathering to celebrate returning to a new semester coming up this Monday happened to coincide with my birthday. Three folks I had never met before joined us, but what a blessing. We shared conversation, cupcakes, fellowship, and wine--ritual, yet somehow transcending ritual.

Just about all present were about half my age, but even that was transcended. We shared concerns and joys, got giggly and silly; the present, now, sacred moment. Each person just was himself or herself, allowing his or her own light to shine without pretension.

What joy to be present in a group of people who embody compassion and justice within their religious traditions and the world. It was the ordinariness of this gathering that made it holy, transcending space and time. No forced piety here.

Yes, this gathering was sacramental: an outward and visible expression of Divine indwelling and grace. Those present made it so in union with the Beloved whose presence radiated from all hearts present. Like any well done ritual, we left with warmed hearts, refreshed, renewed, going out in service to the world.

L'Chaim! (To Life)

2011-08-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

The Yoster at 4 yrs of age

Life is a BLESSING! It is not to be taken for granted. During the last 46 years since my birth on this day, I have seen ups and downs, like anyone else. I have tried to learn from all, realizing that life is what it is at any moment. Underlying the challenging and the good lies That Which Is, the Beloved who upholds. God connects and permeates everything, if one opens ones eyes.

One thing I refuse to do is cave to cynicism and nihilism. Yes, a lot of evil has taken place since August 1965. Living life means staring it all in the face and still, somehow, saying "YES" without denying the existence of the evils. A lot of good has taken place since 1965's Summer as well, all of which bless us.

If I have leaned anything in my life thus far, it's to strive continually for balance, the center, and root myself in the Ancient of Days, my Beloved, in whom I live, move and have my being. It involves continually emptying myself to allow the Lord of the Dance to whirl me into the Divine embrace, alhamdulillah!

So, this anniversary of my birth, I say THANK YOU to my Beloved, my biological parents (Harry and Mary Anne) and my adoptive parents (Carl and Mary, both of blessed memory) for giving me life. And thanks to all those dear folks who have blessed my life as friends and relatives, especially my beloved, Jim.

So dance, dance, DANCE, and radiate the Light!

The Yoster today

Flight to Whole(holy)ness

2011-08-24T03:08:00.004-05:00

Fifteen percent of the US population now lists "none" for choice of religious affiliation. Stories running in The Huffington Post recently indicate that folks simply are not going to church like they used to do, including the less educated and women. A Pew Forum Study indicates that young people are not drawn to organized religion, but believe in God and continuing life after death.

Time to panic? Not at all, unless you're vested in the institution surviving exactly as it is. Yes, some of these so-called unaffiliated are agnostics or atheists, but not the majority. It seems to me the spiritual impulse is alive and well among many of today's folks choosing to affiliate directly with That Which Is, God-as-verb.

This movement out of the pews among some people who do, expresses not disdain for the Beloved or community, but, in fact, a new way of expressing and relating to timeless Mystery. Many are simply walking the Way as the noisy, honking goose-like Spirit leads them.

So, do we padlock churches and other houses of worship? Hmmm, a sabbath year from religiosity might not be a bad thing, challenging the People of God to experience spiritual transformation in all they do, not compartmentalize it to Sundays or whatever day for their tradition's worship. But, perhaps nothing so drastic is indicated as many religious folks already allow the transforming action of That Which Is to transform them within, yet beyond, organized structures.

It does seem, however, that religions need to get over themselves and learn some humility. People demand authenticity; their experiences matter, deeply. They are not sheep called to keep silent unless spoken to nor will they blindly accept all that is told them. Where dissonance fractures, people flee to wholeness. Ah, the Buddha giggles with delight!

Quite simply, as the Latin American saying goes: "You can cut the flowers, but you can't hold back the Spring!"

Lantern in a Dark Night

2011-08-20T21:39:00.001-05:00

Amazing how Life keeps flowing and pulsing, being no respecter of persons. Whether a Summer garden bursting and pulsing or a desert baking and parching, for those enjoying a picnic at the beach or those wasting from malnutrition, wanting but some food and water, Life doesn't stop. It simply is, almost mocking humans' illusion of control.

Eventually, everything shall be overturned in the great compost heap of existence, nurturing new life that follows. But this doesn't let us off the hook for trying to right the wrongs in this world,quite the contrary. We should be so aware of this life's finite quality, that we love it that much more and wish to make it better for others and all Creation.

What's so sad is that many in the so-called First World suffer from Cranial-Recto Syndrome, which prevents them from seeing the light, and, hence, the suffering of others. These folks truly think life's parade is about them in their Mad-Hatter delusion.

Taking a step back and simply listening and looking at the politicos, religious leaders, and various and sundry folks, no longer floors me like it once did. Now all I can do is shake my head, pitying them. It doesn't matter that it's heterosexism or racism, blaming the homeless for their lot in life or women for getting raped, hating atheists or Christians, Jews or Muslims, not to mention Church leaders defrocking priests who stand for justice: hatred of the others so often seems to be the world's oldest profession.

But it needn't be. We need to become aflame with love, not the saccharinized version so prevalent today among the various self-aggrandizing modes of "spirituality" but rather the love that comes with great cost and sacrifice. It's up to each of us to plumb to the depths of our souls, opening ourselves to penetrating transformation at the hands of the Beloved, whether or not we are religious.

The more of us who do, who are so transfigured, can change the world. I don't know about you, but the God of my being does not do Cecil B. DeMille productions, but, rather, works so silently among and through us, lighting each heart as a lantern in the dark night.

Putting Away Childish Things

2011-08-16T17:48:00.000-05:00

How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.

~Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers

Change is not easy. The naysayers in our lives try to throw us off course because they're too terrified to exercise their free will and do it. Letting go of the familiar causes pain; let's face it: it's comfortable. But is it fulfilling?

Often, others are "concerned about you" because you've departed from the established path. Buddha did that. Jesus did that. Hmmm, funny that.

God's Reign supposedly dwells within our hearts. Seems to me, that letting go and following that compass, gets us to where we need to go. Creeds, dogmas, and prayer books get us part way, but each of us needs to grow up

and trust That Which Is.

On this Journey,we need to be childlike in our awe of God and all that God has made, which, thus, opens us to experiencing the Ground of our Being more fully.We need not, however, remain childish, being fed strained beliefs and mashed metaphors, throwing tantrums when Santa Claus god fails to give us what we want and Vengeful Father god fails to smite our enemies. We need to get over ourselves and let go of that which hinders spiritual maturity.

If we choose to partake,ritual, when celebrated well, can help us approach God as adults with our awe and intelligence intact, opening us more fully to God's work among and within us. Far less words, and much more of the experiential, it seems to me, can lead us more fully into our compassionate hearts,wherein the Ancient of Days dwells.

Removing the Box

2011-08-15T21:25:00.002-05:00

Freedom Painting

Sometimes stepping out of something leads you more deeply into it. It's one of those delicious and lovely Zen-like realities. It's a paradox of the Path, which is paradox itself.

By going beyond ordinary boundaries, I find that "the icon and the idol determine two manners of being for beings, not two classes of beings" (God Without Being, Jean-Luc Marion 8). Getting out from under the crushing weight of regular religiosity, allows truth to flow, unimpeded, all pointing to the One. Lights do not belong under bushels of any kind (Mt. 5:15).

Quite simply, this way of being permits seeing so much as if for the first time. Taking anything for granted, particularly faith, is not good. It becomes moribund and rank. This is not a matter of always wanting something to fresh and exciting for its own sake, but, rather, a deep sense a getting to the bottom of things, the Real.

This movement in my life presently is not against anything, but rather for or toward something. Where this dance shall lead, I don't know, but dance my heart wishes to do, always in the embrace of the Beloved.

Losing My Religion

2011-08-14T13:37:00.005-05:00

Losing My Religion by Billyboy

Now, don't anybody go gettin' your knickers in a knot. Read before reacting, because it's probably not what ya think, okay? Okay.

The Beloved remains nearer to me than my own breath. Wherever I am, God IS, for the Ancient of Days dwells in all things and all things rest in God. She, like a mother, nurtures and empowers us; she's not about conquest and domination. Perhaps she grows with us.

Note, too, that I am not anti-religion, though I despise what too many folks do in its name, hiding behind its power. Personally, I have no use for any faith that's more interested in shoring up control, doctrine, and/or trappings than compassion and justice or one that's so caught up in spiritual pursuits that it neglects this world.Perhaps we're all called to be Rahner's "anonymous Christians" or live Bonhoeffer's "religionless Christianity".

It's just that religion, which at its root means "to bind" does just that, and gags, too, often enough. Some discard religion because they've never really engaged it, for sure. Others run after some "spiritual but not religious" light and fairy dust routine which neglects the dark (which is not always negative), and, hence, reality; it's a religion unto itself. Some Evangelicals like to pretend that they're religionless Christians, when nothing could be farther from the truth. Far too many use religion as a place to hide and uplift themselves, without looking around them.

Soup kitchens and shelters are needed, for example, but the roots of society's problems must be exposed and handled. Heaven's fine to think about, if you so care to do so, but not when Lazarus sits on your church, mosque, or temple doorstep without any food or shelter (Luke 16:19-31); all too few ask why.

Granted, a goodly number of religious folks do ask. They bless the world immensely. But this goes far deeper than that for this contemplative. Sometimes one senses a call to the desert, no matter where he or she finds himself or herself. It compels the contemplative to stand at the crossroads of here and now, just at the edge of the Real, which allows reflection and speaking to the stuff of life. Some, like Dorothy Day and Thomas Merton, did that within a religious framework, but others of us find themselves called to do so beyond it, though rooted in its interspiritual insights. Monastic mentors confirm this call in my case. This in no way makes me holy, that's for damn sure. For some, dropping the concepts allows the truly Real to bloom.

Taking Time

2011-08-11T16:34:00.000-05:00

Taking time to see and smell the flowers, and nurture friendships, is of the utmost importance. Technology gets faster and faster by the second, and we get further and further from the flowers and the friends.

Paying attention, slowing down, appreciating how lovely a flower bud looks, and how magnificent when it explodes into bloom, riotous color transcending the mundane--helps us grow as persons, truly. Standing in the presence of even the littlest flowers in their unique contributions places one firmly in the presence of God.

So, too, with friends. Friendship needs those involved to slow down, and bask in the true soul-deep resplendence of the Beloved shining from the other. Agape must envelope and flow like nectar.

Flowers' intense beauty lasts but a short time before it returns to That Which Is. Ultimately, so do friends in the grand scheme of things. We cannot take either for granted. In the cacophony that is modern life, we need to take that time smell the flowers and love our friends. It keeps us grounded and makes us whole.

Pretty Little Flowers

St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, nee Edith Stein

2011-08-08T23:47:00.002-05:00

St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

nee Edith Stein

Remembering Edith Stein who died in the gas chamber because she was Jewish; she was not in any way a Christian martyr, though certainly a saint. Having grown up as an Orthodox Jew, she was led to Catholicism after a period of atheism. Edith was a brilliant student of Philosophy, but was not allowed to teach because she was Jewish. She became a Carmelite nun in her early forties, being given the name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross.

Disorganized Religion

2011-08-08T17:09:00.000-05:00

"Open Cathedral" by Yossi Lopez-Hineynu

It seems that the Holy Spirit has led me to practice disorganized religion~right where I am in the messiness of life. When things are too orderly, it makes me twitch in that it gets in the way of walking the Way all too often. Religion in general and religious traditions in particular, often get full of themselves, full of hubris, as if it's all about them. Funny, if one looks around with eyes wide open, it can be seen that the Divine, That Which Is, weaves a tapestry with threads of many colors, not just one.

People who fail to understand this, or choose not to, often label those us who do, and who dance interspiritually, as being syncretists. Nothing could be farther from the truth. For whatever reason, some, albeit very few, people can walk the fine line, diving to the essential, and surfacing, without harming the integrity of any one tradition. Lessons can be learned deeply and integrated into a whole, especially when it's rooted in the Beloved.

This way of being doesn't have to deny the Incarnation necessarily, though as I keep saying, doctrine serves as a springboard into Mysterious waters, not an end in itself. A point comes where one simply must keep silent. And it is there, in that state, that one encounters others who perhaps hear a different harmony to the Melody of Melodies. On the surface they may be Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Sufi, but here, they are One.

One of the reasons Jesus draws me continually is that he lived his earthly life as a Jew, and it is there that I meet him, and it allows me to glimpse his ministry through Jewish eyes, wiping away the layers of interpretation put on it. When seeing how profoundly radical his message is, it challenges me to walk the Way.

But is Jesus the Incarnate God? Probably, but this begs the question. When encountering him and the transformation he can have on your life, you will have the answer, but what's most important, is that God is both the journey and the destination. We stand within God's Reign, That Which Is, all the time, right NOW. So do Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, Muslims and the like within their own traditions and no tradition is relativized because of it...

So, what may seem disorganized to others, has its own distinct pattern in this contemplative's life, though it's difficult to put into words. It simply IS...

Of an auf ruf and the Jesus Prayer

2011-08-06T18:04:00.003-05:00

The Western Wall in Jerusalem

A what? An auf ruf: literally "calling up" in Yiddish. In liberal Judaism, the bride and groom chant the prayers before and after the reading of the Torah portion during Shabbat liturgy. My dear friends Steve and Sunny are to be married next week, so this morning was their auf ruf.

So, nu, what does this have to do with the Jesus Prayer? Well, basically nothing, other than that I watched "Mysteries of the Jesus Prayer" on DVD quite early this morning. It is breathtakingly beautiful. The deep faith of the monks and nuns touches me as well as what they had to say about how the prayer works in one's life.

For those who don't know, I am also a Jew by Choice, having undergone traditional conversion several years ago, and what a blessing. One never is cut off from being a member of the Jewish People after conversion since he or she becomes a member of the People first, then the spiritual tradition. Being in synagogue today touched me deeply with its familiar melodies, standing among my People as the Torah moved among us.

Two deeply moving experiences felt at soul level. The juxtaposition of them raises a lot of questions (told you I was Jewish!) about the nature of things. Who is Jesus: itinerant rabbi, perhaps the first Reform one at that, who came to renew his tradition and remove it from the moribund legalism of his day, or the incarnate Son of God? How does one authentically dance with the Beloved without making his or her tradition and its doctrine and theology into idols, instead of allowing them to point to that which is Mystery? What does it mean to walk with God; is religion even necessary? Do we, perhaps, give too much reverence to a Book written millenia ago, but then, if so, why is this contemplative moved so much when the Torah is removed from the ark or when he chants Psalms? Oy, what to do? Or, does anything have to be done?

As one whose main spiritual practice is nonsectarian meditation, perhaps nothing needs doing. Seems like that's the best way to go for now, and let other things fall into or out of place as need be over time. Unlike a year ago when a dark night descended, the experience of G!d seems more real to me, but the particulars, not so much. My tendency is to want a solution wrapped neatly with a bow, and that never works with me!

So, no need to rush anything, but rather simply to experience the Beloved's ruach (breath, mind, spirit) as it flows through the treetops tickling the leaves and as it looks out at me as I look at you...

Know Thyself

2011-08-05T20:58:00.001-05:00

It's imperative that we know ourselves as best we can. Knowing how we tick, why we do things a certain way can shed so much light on who we are as individuals, though it cannot define us entirely. We are all different, of course, though commonalities abound.

Unfortunately, we waste so much time trying to change others, when it's ourselves on whom we should focus. This doesn't mean to avoid offering constructive criticism when necessary, as long as its offered with openness to the other, giving him or her room to discuss how he or she perceives the situation.

While some folks tend to make their Meyers-Briggs Type Inventory and Ennegram information into a religion defining them solely, this is not what the indicators are about. Each gives basic information about a person, and it can liberate a person to know more about himself or herself and others.

I am an INFP (scroll down on linked page for description), yet a 5 on the Ennegram with a 4 wing, which pretty much means that my life's work is to heal others, minister to them. I am deeply concerned with self growth, and am a free spirit who questions everything. As an existentialist, life's meaning occupies much of who I am.

A general dislike of crowds and loud noise seems to characterize INFPs (and me) as well. INFPs also need to recharge after being around others and like to spend time alone. The goal in life is to get closer to balance between the various elements.

On the negative side, Type 5s can be arrogant and scattered when stressed...yup, that's me sometimes, but have worked a lot on these, but always room for improvement!

Famous INFPs include Albert Schwietzer, Annie Dillard, J. K. Rowling, Princess Diana, Jackie O, Mister Rogers, Helen Keller, and Audrey Hepburn. Some fictional INFPs: Winnie the Pooh, Frodo Baggins, Edward Cullen, Fox Mulder, Julian Bashir, and Deana Troi.

This is information I share not to draw attention to myself, but simply to share a little of who I am (a very small percentage of folks share these two types), and also to challenge you to look into taking both the Meyers Briggs and the Ennegram. You can take the online versions to get an idea, but if possible, take each with a qualified person trained to administer and evaluate the results.

Essential Being

2011-08-01T02:09:00.002-05:00

Alfred Gockel "Dancing"

This contemplative's vocation centers on transformation in the Beloved's embrace; it hasn't changed since yesterday. From what this pilgrim's mentors say, this particular expression of his calling involves being a "Fool for Christ," which most others do not understand, even many Religious. Neither does he all the time. Now this one is not even close to being holy, but this holy madness that embraces chooses some to dance to its seeming (to others) discordant tune.

Tolkien says that "not all who wander are lost," but find themselves with borders not rigid but fluid, yet flowing from the Source nonetheless. The Eucharist serves as food for this one's Journey, rooted gently in the Triune God, but genuine humility teaches him enough to know that the Ancient of Days speaks many dialects and sings various harmonies to the Great Melody. All this contemplative can do is dance!

One thing along this path has taught and spiritual mentors have underscored time and again: if a spiritual practice is not serving, it is time to let it go. If it starts to restrict the heart, as Sheikha Fariha of the NurAshki Jerrahi Sufis and several monastic mentors have taught this pilgrim, it's not feeding your soul.

Opening oneself to the passionate embrace of Lord of the Dance involves letting him lead, not popular opinion as to how things should be, even that within the Church! A genuine spiritual father or mother realizes this, yet sees the whole picture, and can thus affirm what's going on.

What's important for him: knowing who he is and Whose he is. No matter where he stands, it is holy, for God is in all things and all things are in God, Who is the One who makes it so. The fire burns but does not consume, so we bow down in awe.

A Change of Venue

2011-07-31T03:10:00.001-05:00

After much soul searching, have decided to leave the novitiate of the Community of Solitude, Camaldolese. They are a phenomenal expression of the deep prayerful love of Christ and I love them dearly. Actually, I haven't "left," but merely become a Friend of the Community instead of a monk.

It's difficult to put into words, but it came clearly to me earlier that my spiritual rhythm and the cadence of Religious Life as such, were not fully in sync. Now, CoS does not want cookie-cutter Religious and neither do they form them. But even with their flexibility within stability, my call is to deeper hiddeness, meditation, and silence; the Offices and lectio not so much. The wisdom of the latter practices does not escape me, but, rather, pulls me beyond them. Words sometimes do get in the way; ironic that, since I am a writer!

My spiritual father, Hermit John, saw this long ago, but, nevertheless blessed me to explore my vocation with the Community of Solitude, for which I am blessed and grateful. My soul yearns to dance on the wind, while rooted in Jesus Christ. Hermit John has always said that this contemplative has a particular perception of things on this Journey; it seems this sinner needs to allow that to grow organically.

Those of us who are Christians have the same vocation: transformation in Christ, just different ways we're called to manifest it. So, I am simply "Yossi" as always, ever aware how often I miss the mark, yet letting go in the Beloved's embrace...

Hearing and Listening

2011-07-29T14:27:00.000-05:00

We live surrounded by the daily cacophony, hearing way too much, from traffic to television. We hear what others say to us, but often it is part of the mixture of sound assaulting us so it gets filtered. But do we pay attention in its midst?

The first word of the Benedictine Rule is "Ausculta," (listen). This involves more than the ears, but the heart and mind as well. Attention and intention come into play here, centering and slowing down enough so that understanding may blossom, and transform.

Truly listening to another lets him or her know how much we value what he or she has to say. Being present to the other involves humility in that it's not our place to be thinking of what we're going to say in response. We simply need to let go and trust that the right words will be there when necessary. It's simply not about us.

How nice it would be if all practiced this more deeply, particularly our political leaders. All too often on Capital Hill it's about ideology and not service. (It's like that in much of the Church, too). When true listening takes a back seat, nothing gets done.

Nihilism

2011-07-28T05:01:00.001-05:00

We live in a deeply nihilistic age. Even religion in many places seems mere form without meaning or substance, lots of fluff, sometimes wrapped in a flag, other times so much social justice-without-contemplation pretense. Lots of talk about God, but not so much living in and with God. Life without ultimate significance renders God a commodity.

Without meaning, all hell breaks loose! Things become inverted, turned upside down in an attempt to mimic a life of deep contemplation and faith, which also changes one. But the former reaps rotten fruit unlike the succulence of the latter's bounty. Nihilism mocks reality.

In its wake, personhood becomes a macabre joke, to use and abuse on another's way up the illusory ladder to the nonexistent 'top'. When no one counts and nothing matters, all bets are off. The chimera must be fed, and its appetite never ends.

Numbness sets and renders real emotion impotent, for narcissism rules the day. For when one focuses only on the self, he or she fails to notice the marionette strings attached, pulling this way and that, helter skelter. Evil puts him or her to sleep with eyes wide open, leaving him or her not wanting to see suffering right there, wishing to change this channel, pop the happy pill, having a lame orgasm at ever-perpetual violence.

A life in the Beloved's embrace, however, penetrates the falsehood, restoring dignity to the person in its ecstasy. It is sometimes unruly in childlike exuberance, but that's what Easter people do, knowing that the Incarnate God plunges into the Darkness bringing Light to even the dustiest, neglected corners. A love so full of fire that it burns the dross and raises the dead! Hallelujah!

How It Is

2011-07-25T17:17:00.002-05:00

...to be solitary is to be united:

alone in the eye of the storm, alone on the surface level

in order to be together in the swirling vortex of being.

Wild & Robust: The Adventure of Christian Humanism, Abba Willie McNamara

The sun rises and sets, the moon shines, rain falls on the just and the not so just (Mt. 5:45), good and evil happens. Such is the mystery of Life.

Within this dance of Creation, stands the contemplative...the solitary...the hermit. He or she serves as a beacon of witness to the Gospel. With deep roots, he or she sways with the tempest, but doesn't break. This monastic sees the whole, holy, picture, standing wherever he or she finds himself in the moment. Or tries to do so.

Some days it is easier to do than others; hermits are simply humans seeking transformation. Looking at the world today, it is not difficult to give up and walk away. The solitary's call, however, compels him or her to become compassion and prayer for the world. It draws him or her deeper into the complexity.

Our Beloved God didn't cause the slaughter in Norway, or any of the myriad of evils besetting us presently. It is easy to over-rationalize and, with great hubris, assume God isn't doing anything. The point is: God is always doing something because incarnation, crucifixion, transfiguration and resurrection are really more verbs than nouns. In Christ, all has indeed been made new (2 Cor 5:17). It's a matter of perspective.

But don't mistake the hermit's silence for complicity or resignation. Quite the contrary. This is the silence of surrender to the Ancient of Days, offering the total self in reparation--the making of amends, to our loving God. This is not about appeasing a capricious angry deity, but rather offering love back to the Beloved. For in so doing, the Light transfigures all, allowing justice and peace to kiss...

That Which Is

2011-07-25T00:53:00.000-05:00

That Which Is

I simply no longer know,

first part of wisdom, so others say,

stand in Silence Gate, let be,

definitions flow sewer's wake

Everything, yet nothing

united, balances,

creation's spiral,

dance now free

mindness distracting,

coquettish prankster...

wrapping sweet-nothings

of know's brambling embrace

look through Senses portal,

bingling, nature's hum, hearing,

Reality wakes dawn's hope,

praise now eternal,

own it, real it,

seven hills' dwellings,

indigos river free flow,

Beloved's sweet breath

diamondine goldwhite whistles

sweet rapturous numinousence,

tranfigures Being's blessing,

totality flies sun's beckoning

castle Light

foundations earth deep,

others blind to see,

That Which Is

Great quote

2011-07-22T23:18:00.002-05:00

“To see the world as it should be seen, and so to see the true glory of God reflected in it, requires the cultivation of charity, of an eye rendered limpid by love…. The Christian should see two realities at once, one world (as it were) within another: one the world as we all know it, in all its beauty and terror, grandeur and dreariness, delight and anguish; and the other the world in its first and ultimate truth, not simply “nature” but “creation,” an endless sea of glory, radiant with the beauty of God in every part, innocent of all violence. To see in this way is to rejoice and mourn at once, to regard the world as a mirror of infinite beauty, but as glimpsed through the veil of death; it is to see creation in chains, but beautiful as in the beginning of days.”

—David Bentley Hart, Eastern Orthodox theologian, philosopher, and cultural commentator.

This is what I am striving to believe right now, but it's a struggle...

Norway

2011-07-22T21:57:00.001-05:00

Deepest sympathies to the people of Norway over the bombing of government buildings in Oslo and the 80 youths killed at a Labor Party camp. We stand with you...http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/07/23/us-norway-blast-toll-idUSTRE76M0AU20110723

How sad that people, in this the 21st Century, still act like predatory animals, barbarously killing innocents. It seems to me that better ways exist for people who disagree to live together. Bad enough to kill ruthlessly those with whom you disagree, but their children? The killer apparently belongs to the extreme political right and claims to be a Christian.

Is this kind of slaughter ever forgivable? It doesn't matter where it takes place, who commits it, or for what reason: it's evil. Where the hell is God in all this? To simply dismiss it as yet another expression of free will whilst wringing our hands, is not good enough.

If God is That Which Is, then Divine intervention takes place through our hands and hearts, striving to make a more peaceful world, teaching our children to use critical thinking and, as my Daddy always said, learning to disagree without being disagreeble.

Musings of a Sometimes Reluctant Monk

2011-07-21T19:28:00.001-05:00

As a monk, my place on the very edge of organized religion is, itself, one of stability. It gives one a broad view of things.

Buddha speaks of experiencing something rather than just accepting it, even if he, or any other enlightened being, tells you it's true. Jesus says that the Reign of God is within. In this hermit's life, it's as if the Beloved is turning him inside out these days, but not in a bad way.

It keeps coming back to letting go, not grasping, and simply being. Like Merton, he often has more in common with many socially-engaged Buddhist brothers and sisters, Sufis, Renewal Jews, etc. than many of his fellow Christians. All too often, the focus is on the institution rather than living the Way...

Scriptures are to be respected and with deep reading, reveal remarkable teachings not seen on surface, but when they become idolized, they become something to defend rather than something organic. When the figurative wagons get circled, people get hurt, kept out, and often killed.

Perhaps our human notion that only one Truth exists is too involved, as it is derived from the Greek philosophical tradition. Or maybe Truth touches people in different ways. I don't know. But in the Divine, all seeming opposites are made whole, one.

God, to me at least, has to be both immanent and transcendent. God simply is That Which Is, not some Being somewhere apart from the creation. The Ancient of Days flows through all that is made, just as artist and painting and poet and poem transcend each other, though are not the same.

Frankly, some times I wish I could get over this quest and let go of this God, monk, and religion thing, but that's too easy.Something, or Someone, won't let me go. So, this monk keeps plodding along, keenly aware of how often he misses the mark.

When the mind's monkey-chatter stills and the senses open, the Beloved and the lover dance...

Awareness

2011-07-19T16:58:00.002-05:00

"Fiery Dance"

Amazing to have an experience wherein all Creation comes even more into focus, simply by allowing the senses to bring one into the true present moment, as happened yesterday. While not as intense right now, the effects are progressive. It feels as if they are growing within. This contemplative's not the same as before it happened.

Standing in the present moment allows one to see what's really important, and what is no longer. Buddha always said to experience not simply take someone else's word for it. This isn't some flash-in-the-plan New Age fluff, but, rather, an awareness that's ancient.

Nor is this a denial of anything in one's past, but, there comes a time, if what's there has been acknowledged and worked with, to let it all go: the good, the bad and the ugly. To cling to it is simply unhealthy attachment. One let's go of one's own self. In so doing, we become the void, only to be filled with the Love of God.

Creeds, rituals, and scriptures point beyond themselves to Truth that is far deeper. They become iconic, not ends in themselves. For beyond them, there stands our Beloved awaiting, beginning to run toward the returning prodigal, up to now so full of hubris wrapped in ragged words and theologies, whose heart yearns for the Fullness of that embrace...

Living (and Dancing) in the Present

2011-07-19T01:00:00.000-05:00

If we live stuck in the past we cannot grow; same if we live in a future yet to be born. Amazing how many folks do either one, or even both. There's nothing wrong with memories, it's the getting stuck in them to the point that the time in which they were made becomes idyllic. The future is not-yet, so we need tend the present. Keeping our eyes on the prize (whatever it is) keeps us from looking around at the beauty that is Life now. We miss it.

How amazing when we allow our senses to flow and open. It's being fully aware. It takes practice, but living presently allows to dwell in the womb of God, Who is ever-present. Today, while taking my daily walk, I really felt each foot hit the sidewalk, the breeze caress my face, the sweat running down my back, the sounds of nature and living around me. It was Oneness, yet I did not lose my bearings.

While I didn't achieve that state permanently, I find it seems to be progressive. I am more aware now than before that walk. This grows if I simply allow it to be. It's difficult to put into words. I am not holy nor am I different than anyone else who works at this. I am just who I am...

Living in the present is like doing the Dances of Universal Peace which involve people in one, two or three large circles. As the beautiful Sufi chants and music begin, you look at your partner, take each other's hands, and dance around each other, never taking your eyes off each other. That's powerful enough, but as you circle, you both eventually become partners with the person next to you and the cycle repeats until you've gotten around the entire circle. It's fairly fast-paced, so as you switch partners, it seems as if but one person's standing in front of you, though it's many over the course of the dance: all colors, genders, shapes, sizes. Differences don't matter, because it is an experience of unconditional love.

During the dances time stops. Only Life is real, and herein lived really. All of Life can actually be like that if we let it wherein we still get necessary things done, but time slows and we are more alive.

Shaykha Fariha and the

NurAshki Jerrahi Sufis, a wonderful welcoming community

First Anniversary of my Mom's Death

2011-07-17T22:54:00.001-05:00

This is a picture of my folks about twenty years ago at Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello. Dad died in 1993 at the age of 78. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my Mom's death at 94. It was my honor to be with her and help midwife her to life beyond this as she died. (I did the same with Dad, too). In fact, as she was dying, I mentioned her dancing in the Nutcracker Suite as a child, and that, once again, she should put on her ballet slippers and let go; she did.

After having eight children with my Dad, they adopted me, one of their numerous foster children at the time. They had to fight a judge for 18 months to make it legal. With five boys and three girls already, you'd think they would have adopted another girl, but they chose me. I am forever grateful for the incredible life they gave me, always challenging me to use my mind and discover new things. Faith was something you lived, not talked about a whole lot. What a blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

Death sucks. While I accept its inevitability for myself and others, which makes this life so worth cherishing and living to the fullest, I hate that death takes those we love away from us. It is necessary for Life's continuation, but this doesn't ease its sting.

Many folks would rather simply ignore this topic, as if grief instantly disappears in three days or a few weeks. Everyone mourns differently and we need to respect that. Quite simply, I don't grieve on anyone's schedule, but the natural rhythm that is my own. This was my second parent to die and it's not easy; easier to some degree than a year ago, yet more difficult too.

Yes, Mom lived a full 94 years, for which I am thankful every day, but she's still my Mom and she's still dead. It hurts. My life continues, with a great amount of joy, yes, but that doesn't stop me missing her (and Dad) a lot. It's just the way things are. Whatever form an afterlife might take, that doesn't make it any easier now...

But what I can do, is say "Thank you" to two amazing parents, who instilled so much knowledge and love in us, by their example. May my life be such a blessing to others...

Br Randy Horton, rest

2011-07-16T18:45:00.000-05:00

My friend, Brother Randy Horton, lived a life of deep faith, without being somber all the time. Too much seriousness makes one a dull hermit, which he was in the Episcopal Diocese of New York until his sudden death at the end of this past April. His funeral liturgy and internment of his cremated remains was held earlier today. It's so fitting that the last profile picture he posted on Facebook was of the altar at Fessenden House, where he lived and served those in recovery, in its Easter array.

Brother's faith was strong, but he didn't grasp it so tightly as to choke the life out of it. He was more concerned about living it, not clanging his cymbal to gain attention for himself. A recovering alcoholic himself, he helped so many others on their journeys of recovery.

As a hermit, he helped still more on their paths, always reminding the importance of the vows made and to WHOM they were made. He helped this hermit through one of the darkest nights of the soul, when God seemed dead, but all without attempting to control what was going on or how I experienced it. He let me know what was happening, that I was not crazy, and then let go of the outcome. Pretty humble, that.

Some folks come along in a person's life wherein distance, time and space have no effect over their friendship. It may have been relatively brief, as it was when Brother Randy dropped dead from a heart attack. We had never met in person, but that doesn't make his death any less painful, yet filled with the hope of the Resurrection. He was my friend, pure and simple.

And he had a wonderfully wicked sense of humor! His penchant for hats and costumes was legendary, from what I gather. But he was real, which is what a monk should be. Wherever he found himself, he treated all as Christ. Thank you, Brother, for your guidance and love. May you be dancing and wearing your giant sombrero in the fields of the Lord...

Red Poppy

2011-07-14T20:47:00.001-05:00

Red Poppy by Georgia O'Keefe

Georgia O'Keefe's work is deeply incarnational and sacramental to me. Now, if she were alive today, she might not choose those words for herself. She was raised with a nominal connection to the Episcopal Church, but was not religious in the classic sense of the term. Painting was her ritual, it seems.

Whether bleached skulls of bulls or vibrant flora, she sees beyond the surface, to the deeper beauty therein. Like most artists she has that broadness of vision. She captures movement, almost dancing it is, within what many call the mundane. Whether alive or dead, there is Life. It is from there that the Beloved speaks...

The poppy in this striking painting praises God by being exactly what it is in the moment. The painting captures this clearly, and it, itself, likewise is a prayer on canvas. Like an icon, praise passes to the Prototype, the Artist Who grounds all being.

The real flower undoubtedly withered at some point after it was painted, surrendering to the natural process, but not devoid of God's presence as it lay on the ground, color faded and cracking, becoming one with it again.

A Sweet Yes

2011-07-13T21:10:00.002-05:00

The author of Harry Potter was asked in an interview about her beliefs. J.K. Rowling replied that she realized them by reading what she wrote; they came through in her writing. If one writes in truth without attempting to control, the heart speaks.

It's interesting when I read over the postings from the beginning of this blog, how Benedictine it is. My heart dances as a solitary within community to a harmony of St Benedict, St Scholastica and St Romuald. Sometimes one has to step back, take a breath, and look with the eyes of faith.

Any one in formation as a Religious should experience doubts. This monk has struggled deeply with whether this is my call or not, or even if I should be a Religious. I was blessed to spend much of the last few days in total solitude and simply let go of the question, without expectations. It takes surrender to know the truth. It came to me clearly and without any doubt that this is who I am called to be.

What I would call my completely natural self came to the fore during that time, as no distractions could claim me, thanks be to God. It took a bit of struggle, but once letting go, the answer made itself clear in a hot, former convent. Usually answers like this are so blasted simple we miss them--mine were there in my blog, and confirmed in the recesses of my heart. No angelic choirs announced it, no fireworks filled the skies, rather a sweet "Yes" permeates my being.

Saints Benedict and Scholastica

2011-07-10T16:42:00.001-05:00

Saints Benedict and Scholastica

Though St Scholastica has her own feast day, I like to celebrate this brother and sister together. St Scholastica assisted her brother Benedict in writing the Rule followed by thousands of monks, nuns, and oblates of the various Benedictine expressions to this day. It is sadly typical of the Church to forget her, as they often do St Clare...

The world of these holy siblings was chaotic and violent, much like today. They responded to the promptings of the Holy Spirit to serve the People of God through a life of prayer and work. The Benedictine vocation is often misunderstood as fleeing the world, but it, in fact, draws one more deeply into it.

Vows of Obedience, Stability, and Conversion of Life serve as the foundation of Benedictine life. But these are not vows of mindless, cookie-cutter Religious, but, in fact, life giving and practical ways for the self to be emptied so as to be filled by the Beloved. The Rule frees those who embrace it and it to embrace them to live freely and fully wherever they find themselves at any given moment. Roots firm in the soil allow the flowers to bloom.

Mystical Prayer

2011-07-10T02:23:00.003-05:00

Chapel of the

brothers and sisters of Tiberiade

Belgium

The advanced prayer of a contemplative "wherein the soul is united to God in its ground without the intervention of imagination or reason or of anything but a simple attention of the mind and a humble, self-forgetting action of the will" (Mysticism: A Study and an Anthology, F. C. Happold) has no form. The soul dances with the Beloved. It is almost impossible to describe this kind of prayer, though Happold does an excellent job of it. It has to be experienced.

In this state of prayer, the heart almost feels as if it will explode in joy and longing. This is deep love wanting to consummate with the Beloved. It mirrors the Trinity; it is grace.

Within this grace, the contemplative in his or her yearning for union carries the intentions of others and the world, the hopes and hurts, and the desire for reparation for the evil in the world. All of these God can read in his or her being. Living in a monastery is not prerequisite...

F. C. Happold and Evelyn Underhill, both Anglicans, were neither monastics nor presbyters, but they were profound mystics, though certainly would never self-identify as such. The minute someone does, run like the hell the other way! Both lived ordinary lives in the world knowing that God speaks through what God creates. No need to clang cymbals and strike gongs about it.

It is in and through this yearning that one realizes how much he or she falls short of living life in God. It is only by giving EVERYTHING to the Beloved that it can be healed and the lover transfigured and transformed. But all this is quite hidden, often from the contemplative himself or herself.

So, in faith, one keeps surrendering to the love of God. Nothing said here contradicts what was said in the previous post about liberation for the active person needs to be rooted deeply in the contemplative, always living in humility.

Liberation

2011-07-08T02:32:00.002-05:00

We live in scary times: the rich getting wealthier, the environment getting worse, some people wearing their blatant hatred of others not like them on their sleeves. Dom Helder Camara said many years ago that people call him a saint when he feeds the poor, but a Communist when he asks why the poor are not being fed. Well the questions need to be asked...NOW!

For those of us professing to walk with Jesus, all too often he's made out to be a Harvey Milquetoast, all nice, in our control so as not to challenge anyone or the systems of power. Not sure who that is, but it's not the Son of God, who was so outraged that money changers defiled his Father's house that he over turned their tables. Just because he didn't arm himself to overthrow the government, did not mean that he didn't believe in the liberation of all.

Jesus crossed religious and social boundaries all the time. He welcomed all to join the Beloved Community. We can do no less. When the evil that's being visited on our society goes unchecked, those of us who say nothing are responsible for it. No middle ground here, kids: we have to be compassion and stand for justice and mercy. We have to ask the questions in order to free all our brothers and sisters. But, unlike most revolutionaries: we can never forget who we are and Whose we are.

We must feed the hungry and shelter the homeless in order to give them strength for us to stand beside them and make for change. If we just do the former, nothing changes, and those causing this evil can continue to keep their heads up their backsides. We need to be love where hate is spewed. We need to look others in the face--oppressed and oppressor--and love them as the Imago Dei! And some days that ain't all that easy.

Will we be popular? Seriously doubt that. Jesus isn't about that. Look where he ended up. We can do no less because we know that story doesn't end there...

Buddha, Jesus and Letting Be

2011-07-06T19:27:00.007-05:00

The Buddha's enigmatic smile has always spoken strongly to me. Intuitively, I have always thought that he refused to answer the questions about God and soul as he didn't want anyone getting trapped in concepts, which point toward, but do not define, Reality. This is not the same as denying God as so many orthodox Buddhists claim (and yes they exist).

I discovered the following quotes recently while reading F. C. Happold's Mysticism: A Study and An Anthology. It is from Anne Gage's The One Work, A Journey Towards the Self (1961). She's interviewing a Buddhist monk and asks him about the Buddha supposedly not believing in God or any permanent reality beyond death. The monk tells her

that is the interpretation given to Buddhism by men who have understood neither the teaching nor themselves...

He didn't speak of God, which is different.If a man realizes God and is among other men who do not, it is useless to speak about him, for they would not understand. It is better to indicate how they can come to know Him themselves (emphasis mine).

We can learn much from the Dharma, the teachings of the Buddha. They dovetail beautifully with the Way of Christ.

The Dominican Meister Eckhart prays that "God rid me of God," and the Venerable Thich Naht Hanh, whom many say is a living Buddha, says that to him "the best theologian is the one who never speaks about God" in Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers. St. Francis of Assisi says to use words only when necessary to preach the Gospel; St Benedict begins his Rule with "ausculta," listen...We have two eyes and two ears as opposed to one mouth for a reason...

When we understand, for example, that a tree is made up of non-tree things, like water, minerals, sunshine--which is called dependent co-arising (which I used to call co-dependent arising when practicing the Dharma originally) and a human, likewise, is comprised on non-human things, which come together to make each what it is, then we can embrace our commonality, realizing what we call "God" is the ground of being. This in no way negates the teaching of the Incarnation or those of the Buddha, for the Beloved grounds and transcends all, even opposites!

Perhaps we need to walk the walk more and just hush up! Maybe with less noise around we can actually understand what the Still Small Voice says to us, rather than drowning it out.

Where is God?

2011-07-05T23:45:00.000-05:00

A candle burns in my prayer space for a little girl, tossed aside like so much garbage, left to rot. The jury says her mother didn't do it; I do not know. All I know is that a little girl didn't have a chance to grow up because of someone else's selfishness. That sickens me.

Is this free will run amok? Does God give us this gift only to stand back and allow us to do what we choose? Is God even capable of intervening? Perhaps, the intervention comes through us who call for justice, though it's too late for Caylee. I have to wonder.

In the story of Job, Job dares to question God why this calamity befalls him, for Job is righteous, even to the point of never speaking ill of God. In the story, God rails at this poor man, asking him if he was there when God created the heavens and the earth. Well, what does that have to do with it? Job wants to know why he suffers NOW. Nice, God, that you create all this stuff, but we're talkin' about suffering in the present moment. Sometimes I am with Job's wife: curse God, get it over with, move on with life!

But that's too easy. God is more than the sum of a rational argument and much more subtle than the fairy-tale image we have from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, but no less Real. God grounds our being. Now, if we could only live like that, truly, then little girls like Caylee might yet walk the earth...

Neither Spiritual Nor Religious

2011-07-03T23:07:00.002-05:00

Isn't it interesting how some terms get so overused that they become jargon, devoid of any real meaning? In our society we tend to have a variety of meanings for "religious" and "spiritual."

What, specifically, constitutes religiosity? How often must one pray or attend a house of worship to be so labelled? Can a person be religious without entering a church, mosque or temple? Don't we say a person who's fanatical about a particular sports team treats it like a religion?

What about being spiritual? Can a person be so in a house of worship, or is that somehow impossible? Is spiritual simply about us as individuals and how we feel? Because a man or woman dons the monastic habit, is he or she now "spiritual"? Or can only those who are not monks and nuns be spiritual in any real sense?

Much of what passes for spirituality today seems so much light and fairy dust. Much of what passes for true religion focuses too much on rigid adherence to following the rules and political games rather than walking with the Beloved. I can't stomach either approach.

So, I am neither spiritual nor religious, I simply try to walk with Jesus and be Christ to all whom I meet, whether in church or not, treating them as Christ, though failing often. This is a Way, not something to be compartmentalized and labelled.

Quite simply, it's why many Religious prefer silence rather than jamming the air with words so easily misconstrued. It's about using words only if necessary to preach the Good News, as St. Francis reminds us. But we haven't cornered the market on it; we humbly try to serve as witnesses for all to live thus.

It is a journey on which the Bread of Life sustains. A lot of struggle, and, yes, joy; going within also brings us without, serving our brothers and sisters. We are called to wash each other's feet.

Sacred Heart

2011-07-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Blessings on the Feast of the Sacred Heart! Personally, I celebrate this day as the Feasts of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.

This day is not about the physical organ. From antiquity, the heart is known as the seat of wisdom and it is that which I honor this day in Jesus whose compassion touches the down-trodden, the lost, the poor and the sick. His love leads to death on a cross and resurrection, God as human. We're told in scripture that Mary often holds things in her heart.

What amazing compassion and love it takes for Jesus to minister to all, but particularly those marginalized by the religious establishment and society. One can only imagine what his feisty Palestinian Jewish mother thought about this son of hers. While we hear little of her, one can envision her dignified, yet earthy, presence, with him, supporting him, yet fearful of repercussions. Moms are like that.

Mother Mary's heart undoubtedly broke knowing of her son's not unexpected arrest and subsequent execution. It seems to me that her ever expanding heart becomes emboldened at Pentecost, and, that she, too, proclaims the Reign of God!

Contemplation and prayer lead to transformation, which, in turn, opens a person's heart in love to others. It calls him or her beyond the self. This has nothing to do with Hallmark-card sentimentality, but, rather, a compassion that so overflows in blood, sweat and tears; no masochism here, just the Cross leading to Resurrection's joy!

Religious Life in the Mean Time

2011-06-29T21:08:00.000-05:00

No matter what the Order, Religious are and should be dangerous! Our counter-cultural lives are prophetic. Simply going inward is a revolutionary act because each of us is transformed, thus touching others, regardless of specific apostolate. We subvert the dominant paradigm and the status quo. While so many folks today focus on "getting ahead," along comes the Brother or Sister, seeking the lowest place in order to bind the wounds and make for justice.

Franciscans every bit as much as Benedictines, for example, start from the contemplative and move beyond themselves to the active. Each order is active and contemplative. One without the other is simply incomplete. It is good for us Religious to remember that.

Religious orders revolutionized the Church and society when they were founded, and are doing so today. New forms are coming to fore, such as dispersed communities with married/partnered members who also wear habits when appropriate. This is a very good thing. These communities work along side more traditional orders, but are not in any way a lesser expression of the Religious life. In some cases, they're a much more robust form of this special, though not superior, call.

Jesus calls us to follow him; he doesn't ask. The Religious life is one way he does so. We are called not only to feed the poor and comfort the afflicted and sick, but also ask why these conditions are what they are. It might mean walking Calvary ourselves, but we cannot shirk from this responsibility...

Walking With Jesus

2011-06-28T21:47:00.000-05:00

Jesus is the Reason for all the seasons of my life. It is with him that I walk as his reign is within my heart, and all Creation, and my heart and all Creation dwell within his reign. Easy, no!

The wimpish Jesus frolicking among the sheep in the fields isn't real. He wasn't blond haired and probably not blue-eyed either. He might not have been attractive by contemporary standards. He grew up and lived in an occupied land. Did anything good ever come out of Nazareth (John 1:46)?

This man Jesus looks you directly in the eyes and says "Come, follow me." Folks, that's not a question! When we get up and walk with him, our whole lives are turned upside down, inside out, to the point that we don't recognize ourselves. God fills us.

Putting our hands in the hand of the man who stilled the waters, doesn't guarantee instant heaven. In fact, you might think you're in hell! Change from what we thought we knew and want to hold onto at all costs causes much pain. When compassion begins to bloom, our hearts feel as if they've been wrapped in thorns. We encounter our earthiness, humus, humility.

But once the heart of stone is cracked and smashed, what joy! But not a joy that calls attention to itself, but, rather, a quiet knowing, a deep loving, that transforms one into a new creation. A new person dwelling in the bosom of his or her Beloved reaches out to others by being love-in-action.

Corpus Christi and Pride

2011-06-26T15:14:00.004-05:00

The Feast of Corpus Christi, literally the Body of Christ, is celebrated in many churches of the catholic tradition today, transferred from this past Thursday. I have always been strongly drawn to the Eucharistic meal, which I believe is Jesus Christ, though am not going to get into an argument over how what happens when a presbyter consecrates the Bread and the Wine. I don't care how it happens, only THAT it happens. Christ is manifest among us, feeds and sustains us on this Journey.

The Body of Christ is also the People of God, coming together as one. I looked around St Paul and the Redeemer parish today, amazed at how this takes place there. Two folks celebrate birthdays tomorrow: one reaches his second the other, her eighty-eighth; he is white, she is African-American. The Deacon who preached is openly gay, as are several of the rest us. But no one makes a big deal of it because it simply is what it is. It is Corpus Christi : different colors, genders, nationalities, sexual orientations, yet all one in Christ.

Several members of the parish, including the Rector, who is straight, march in today's Pride March, showing the Body of Christ, the People of God, not as something static, but actively incarnating the Good News, being Christ to others. Jesus is all about going after those kept out because they are somehow different, which gets lost in the bucolic narrative known as the story of the Good Shepherd, in which too many people act as if the Lord literally goes out and picks up a lamb that has gone astray, rather than people forced beyond the boundaries. Jesus doesn't worry about what others think about him, because he's doing his Father's business. We can do no less.

In pride, then, we re-member that the body is made by God in God's image and likeness. It is blessed, for what else can it be? No doubt, many excesses take place in our society, by folks gay and straight alike, but that doesn't take away that we need to re-connect with our bodies and honor sexuality, in healthy and wholesome ways.

To me, as a Christian who happens to be gay (and left-handed, blue-eyed, etc), I am called by my Baptismal Vows to be the Gospel in action and honor the body which God has given me. That's not always easy. Walking with Jesus is costly, for grace isn't cheap. But God Incarnate understands because God walked and continues to walk in our shoes. With the Beloved, we are proud of where our history has brought us, and thankful to be the Body of Christ in a world that so needs Jesus' message of compassion, justice and liberation.

Photo copyright

St Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church,

San Francisco, California

Two Flow One

2011-06-25T16:00:00.000-05:00

"Rainbow Ocean" by Thelma1

This picture touches me to the core. It's movement, overlapping, yet not blending, colors, speaks to the Oneness that permeates all Creation. The colors are not static, and neither is our God, who's always in action, incarnating, as He did in Jesus, as She does by permeating all that lives, moves and has being. The Trinity speaks to this; Buddhist dependent co-arising as well, methinks.

If all the colors became one, we would have darkness; if we had no color, we would have whiteness. Both necessary for Life, thus neither bad things in and of themselves. While the mystics know that we are to realize unity with Unity, incarnationality honors the individual, albeit transfigured. The colors are many, but they are One.

When two people love each other truly, they remain individuals yet become one, never trying to change the other, but focusing, instead on the Love which binds them. In its fire, they're immolated into a new creation. Such is a visible sign of God's grace.

Whether those two people are a man and a woman, two men, or two women, is irrelevant. The Beloved Weaver looms the tapestry in the Divine Image and Likeness. No one is to rent asunder the bonds of this union.

I think of my parents, married 57 yrs at the time of my father's death; I think of Richard Adrian Dorr, 83 and, John Mace, 91, who have waited 61 years for the right to marry legally in New York state, who now can. True love is true, simply...

Fine Tuning

2011-06-24T16:20:00.000-05:00

I love the violin. In fact, I played it for a while as a child, viola too. Sadly, I switched schools and did not keep up with it. This beautiful instrument can teach us so much, if we let it.

Like it, when we are fine tuned, truly our deepest selves, we produce beautiful and harmonious sounds. Whether classically or fiddlin' , the music flows and touches others. In order for it to continue being its best, the violin needs tuning constantly.

Did you know that if you hold a violin with its base on your knee, the front of the instrument facing out, and someone sits directly in front of you holding another violin likewise, strings toward you, and then one of you plucks a string, the corresponding string on the instrument facing will vibrate along with it? If we keep ourselves in tune love finds resonance within the other, and brings it forth.

It may not be in perfect pitch, perhaps, but it's a start. Let us each let go and let God bring us into resonance so that love and peace may make glorious music, eternally.

Beyond Words

2011-06-23T02:05:00.003-05:00

There comes a point on the contemplative journey that some reach wherein words fall oh so short. In fact, they can get in the way. Mystical prayer involves a deep yearning of the soul for the Beloved, as has been attested by holy men and women over millenia, such as Benedict, Scholastica, Francis, Clare, Meister Eckhart (long before Eckhart Tolle), John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, among so many.

This longing does not keep one from serving others, in fact, it speeds them on the way to do just that. Mystical prayer is love, and that love embraces all in its purview. It is fire and burns the dross away, so that God may shine in and through the one who so reaches out and is drawn to God, transforming him or her. As a result, so many others find themselves changed. Orthodox Christian saint, Seraphim of Sarov says:

Acquire the Holy Spirit

and thousands around you will

be saved.

How beautiful that as the Paraclete lights beautiful candles in the wind that do not get extinguished, others find themselves drawn to the Light. But this doesn't cause the contemplative in the Christian tradition to forgo the Offices or the Eucharist, yet pulls them more strongly to them. They anchor and feed him or her, connecting to the wider Church, but, perhaps, giving a wider perspective in approaching them.

Asking the Questions

2011-06-21T22:22:00.001-05:00

Discernment's a tricky thing, yet necessary on a daily basis. It allows you to sense where you are and if that is in line with what you and others sense is your vocation. Those others include a spiritual director or soul friend, perhaps a mentor in Religious formation.

Some days I wonder why I am even in Religious Life, as the vows flow from those made at Baptism. I wonder if those original vows all are that is necessary. Other days, I wonder if I am perhaps not called to the eremitic and monastic life, but to a more active expression, while still rooted in contemplation, like St Francis' way. Likewise, I have also wrestled with the call to the presbyterate for years, and have often wondered if it's okay to say "no," choosing instead to look at other options, seriously. Heck, some days I even wonder why I bother with organized religion at all.

Now, some might be surprised at this, but discernment needs to bring these questions to the fore. They are honest and need answering. And whatever the answer, it's correct if it's gotten to as the result of talking with mentors, prayer and deep listening. If these questions do not come up and are never dealt with, makes me wonder how genuine the discernment process someone's going through.

In my experience, none of this means anything unless it's in response to something, or rather, Someone. Stirrings felt in my being demand action, call for response. Over time, patterns emerge, and the answer becomes clearer for now. It can change over time, too, and that's right fine.

Words to Live By!

2011-06-20T16:53:00.000-05:00

"You are not God.

This ain't heaven.

Don't be an ass!"

Words of a Jesuit Novice master to his new charges...

A dear friend of mine sent those words to me after I had blasted him in an email quite awhile ago now, as I was upset at a couple of folks who didn't return emails I had sent. Sadly he bore the brunt when he didn't either, though I was to find out that he changed his main email address, thus didn't see my email until much later. Instead of blasting me right back or ending a friendship, he responded with compassion and defused my anger. I am forever grateful to him for doing so and to the anonymous Jesuit who spoke the words above.

The good Jesuit challenges us to keep it real and not make fools out of ourselves. When we let God be God, truly accept that no one, save God, is perfect, we won't end up making an ass out of ourselves. How often do we do the opposite, and allow our anger, fear, resentment, judgement control us, causing us to speak words that we cannot take back? We're not in charge and people are who they are...

When we do forget, we need to apologize as soon as possible, and demonstrate that we mean it. We need to be aware of emotions and thoughts as they arise, acknowledge them appropriately, in order to diffuse their emotional power. This doesn't mean to deny them, but rather take the fire out of them until such time as we can calmly examine why they arose. We then need to take appropriate action or not, depending on the situation. In a word, we need to get over ourselves!

"Friendship" by Picasso

Surrendering to God

2011-06-20T00:12:00.000-05:00

For many, particularly those of us in the West, the thought of giving up control of any kind is anathema. We in our rugged individualism like to compartmentalize, including our religious and spiritual life. No loose ends, no messiness. Guess what? It simply doesn't work that way. God can't be micromanaged.

By completely letting go and giving our whole selves to the Beloved, we become aware of our oneness with the Ancient of Days. What freedom diving into that Divine embrace. When we do, we become aware of God-as-verb: constantly loving, in motion, three yet always one, eternally.

Those who do surrender, radiate an inexplicable light and peace. Grace isn't cheap, and a person suffers on his or her way to full awareness that separation from the Beloved is an illusion. It turns the world upside down and rents the heart. It is the embodiment of Love. But what freedom is then known.

Spiritual Fathers

2011-06-18T18:19:00.001-05:00

Even though my Dad's dead, that doesn't keep me from honoring Fathers Day. I remember him and the lessons he imparted to me. I strive to live the values he instilled. So, in reality, every day is Fathers Day.

But I also think of those men who touch my life as spiritual fathers. Most, yes, are older chronologically, but some are not. Some are Christian, but not all. Some have their own children, others do not.

It is through the way these men live their lives, that they bless me (and others) so much. They don't wear their faith on their sleeves, but it emanates from them in how they live in any given moment. They do not seek attention for themselves, but are rather unassuming.

So, to them I say: Thank you, and Happy Fathers Day...

Soul Friends

2011-06-16T13:53:00.002-05:00

What a blessing to have soul friends on this Journey. They are truly quite few; one can usually count them on one hand, and possibly still have fingers left. These folks understand where you are and have been, even though the details of their individual experiences differ. Nevertheless, an underlying unity exists that transcends the exoteric.

Such companions might be down the street, across town, or halfway around the world. Such friendship goes beyond time and space. These friends know themselves so well, thus, know you. You can actually finish each other's sentences.

The real beauty lies in that neither party expects anything from the other; they simply love. They don't even have to say much to each other, necessarily, for Silence speaks truth. How delightfully counter cultural!

Deep friends like this don't seek each other, they find each other. It truly seems a movement of the Holy Spirit that brings them together.

Is a Roman Catholic Revolution needed?

2011-06-15T01:33:00.003-05:00

The pastor at Boston's St Cecilia Church preached a sermon calling on the Church of Rome to practice the love of Jesus and welcome those who are oppressed, particularly gay and lesbian folks. One of Boston's auxiliary bishops was present as the Archdiocese had told Fr John not to hold an "All Are Welcome" liturgy in honor of Pride Month. Here is the story and a video:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/14/john-unni-gay-catholic-inclusion_n_877098.html?ref=fb&src=sp

The Church just celebrated Pentecost; the Holy Spirit certainly took hold of Fr John! The scowling bishop in the background most likely chewed the good padre a new one off camera, attempting to enforce the dysfunctional party line, where clergy are treated like children and lay folks to do whatever the hierarchy says.How much degradation will the People of God take?

YOU CAN CUT THE FLOWERS, BUT YOU CAN'T HOLD BACK THE SPRING!

Voices like Fr John's are being raised all over, such as at the American Catholic Council held this past weekend in Detroit. More than anything, I would like Spring to truly dawn in the Roman Catholic Church here in America for the many I love who are still members of my former communion. It will take nothing short of a revolution to do it; I am not holding my breath. Who knows?

But what prevents folks from exploring a group like the Ecumenical Catholic Communion, for example? It's fully Catholic, celebrating the seven sacraments and has Apostolic Succession. Clergy are either married/partnered or single, gay or lesbian, men or women. The laity has a strong voice in the democratic administration of the Communion. There are Religious Orders. Members are committed to justice and peace. It's growing. Parishes aren't without the Eucharist because they have clergy to preside. Seems that everything for which the American Catholic Council calls already exists here so what holds folks back?

Could it be, as a dear friend has observed, that many of us who grew up Roman Catholic, believe deep down what we were taught that the Roman Catholic Church is the one true faith? Many progressive RC's protest and say "no," but I think my friend is spot on. I don't say this to disrespect my Roman Catholic friends who embody Christ in their ministries, but just to point out that not all Catholics are Roman and that viable alternatives to the Roman Church exist which are fully Catholic.

I am not naive enough to think that there will be a mass exodus to the Episcopal Church. I, personally, have been blessed with a fantastic growing parish, with wonderful clergy and liturgy, not to mention a fantastic bishop. Many of us who grew up Roman Catholic, myself included, have found a home as Episcopalians, but it's not for all.

So, is the revolution worth it to stay in Rome? Might it be better if people vote with their feet and move to another pew in the same Church, one where the hospitality of Jesus is lived and practiced throughout the organization? I will not presume to answer for others...

Living the Spirit

2011-06-12T19:08:00.003-05:00

What a fantastic day! Jeff Lee, Episcopal Bishop of Chicago, preached and presided at my parish, St Paul and the Redeemer, for Pentecost. The liturgy was so joyous and full of the Holy Spirit. The music unbelievably powerful--Gospel and jazz, along with the dignity of the ancient liturgy. It simply worked, and worked well. The Episcopalians at SPR are not God's Frozen Chosen, but are on fire with being Christians!

Jeff spoke of "quasi Christians," those of us who attend church, get involved, and love God, but who are, nevertheless, skeptical of things as well. This is a wonderful thing, as opposed to those who are absolutely certain about everything; if you have no doubt, or never had doubts, how can you have genuine faith? The bishop reminded us that the opposite of faith, is not unbelief, but certainty.

When we think we have battened down the hatches with precise definitions and formulae, we have deluded ourselves, creating idols that stand in the way of Truth. Buddha was right when he said to experience things for ourselves rather than accept blindly. Isn't it better to stand in the midst of Mystery and allow it to be just that? The Holy Spirit bloweth where She listeth, not where we think she should go; we Christians do not have a monopoly on the Beloved.

But do we just jettison the Creed? Absolutely not, but we acknowledge that it's "a love song," to quote the bishop, and that many of us are skeptical of some of its contents, or at least the way it states them. I have long said that creeds and doctrines are springboards into that deep Reality that we call God, not the Reality itself. We need to look to what they point, not get stuck in them. That's one of the reasons we sing, not chant or recite, the Creed at SPR.

It seems to me that many are afraid of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, preferring instead to hide behind the defense of illusory walls to "defend" the Faith. The Faith's just fine if we're willing to let go and live it...

Blessed Pentecost

2011-06-11T19:45:00.000-05:00

Estella Lousia M Canziani’s "Pentecost"

Pentecost is about transformation, the fire that burns but does not consume. The followers of Jesus find themselves empowered by a strength of which they were not aware before. They know the Lord is with them now.

How poignant that this takes place within community; no privatized experience here, though it affects each person present. These folks are ablaze with the Holy Spirit's power.

When we open ourselves to the Pentecost moment, we can do phenomenal things in Christ. We can set the world on fire by loving others unconditionally!

Made in the Image of What You Desire

2011-06-10T00:14:00.000-05:00

Years ago I saw an Alfred Hitchcock production whose name slips my mind, but was profound nevertheless. Guests to an odd party are each asked to put on a mask. They wore regular clothes and the face covering. What was odd: the masks represented each individual's vice, hence a lust-filled person had a hideously lascivious and misshapen visage; a glutton had a piggish face, and so on. At the end of the story, each guest removes his or her mask, only to find that their face is an exact replica!

Hence the words of Thomas Merton, ocso: "A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. A man cannot serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire."

In this country, we are experiencing the politics of meanness in its full fury. Jesus becomes a commodity, wrapped in the American flag, used for hate. The Beloved Community is being mocked by dime-store religiosity. This is an intensely spiritual matter!

What fear must reside in so many hearts to attack, to hate, and do so openly. Armageddon is not about some grand-scale production number of Jesus' return on the clouds to damn people forever. It's now, between faces twisted in greed and hate and those open in compassion and hope.

St Francis and the Leper

Hospitality

2011-06-08T23:48:00.001-05:00

One of the hallmarks of simple Christianity is hospitality. Benedict of Nursia challenged those who took up his Rule to "welcome all as Christ." In a traditional convent, friary, or monastery, those who came stayed in a guest house; in contemporary communities, we must open our hearts. Not always easy and downright irritating some times, but always necessary.

Francis kissed the leper, and we must do no less. Following Jesus isn't easy nor is it always pleasant, but it will change you. The homeless man or woman walking the streets is a person; if he or she speaks to you, look them in the eye, whether or not you give money. Let them know you see them. Try to smile at people or at least acknowledge them with a nod; it could change someone's life, perhaps save it. Be kinder to yourself, too.

I once heard the story of a little Russian girl, long before the Communist revolution, who joyfully yelled "Christos annesti" (Christ is Risen!) to a man she was passing. In her innocence, she radiated Christ's hospitality and love. The man had murdered someone days before, and as a result of her greeting, collapsed in tears, admitted his crime, and became truly repentant. Will it work every time? Probably not, but if it changes one person, isn't it worth it?

Faith communities as well need to open their doors wide and practice the welcome given by Jesus. The rabbi of Nazareth ate with tax collectors and women, which was simply not done in his day. He did not give them a litmus test of beliefs, but looked into their hearts and told them their faith healed them, calling them to sin no more.

Part of being hospitable means making guests as comfortable as possible; it means taking the Church to our brothers and sisters wherever they are. It means taking food, yes, but also celebrating the Eucharist there, forming real community. It means offering empowerment, hope and liberation by struggling for justice, but personifying mercy.

Maybe if we as Church were more worried about loving and less about doctrinal perfection, true conversion in us all could take place.

Christ of the Breadlines by Fritz Eichenberg

God and God's Dissenters

2011-06-07T20:14:00.000-05:00

If one studies ancient religions, he or she finds out that many god-human couplings, wherein the woman is a virgin, produces a god-man as offspring. This same god-man (Mithras to name one) endures crucifixion and raises from the dead three days later. So, argue some famous atheists, this disproves the Jesus story of the Christian tradition. Really?

While it is certainly possible that the early followers of Jesus merely reproduced the story of Mithras, substituting Jesus, and adding some other details. But I wonder if any of those ancient religions ever stated that their god-man was fully God and fully human, or God as human, as Karl Rahner, SJ, says. Somehow, I doubt that.

As a dear friend says: "I'd like to see these so-called New Atheists take on the Niebuhrs," referring to Reinhold and H. Richard Niebuhr, two Protestant theological giants (also brothers) of the Twentieth Century. So many other theologians could be added to the list! Much of organized atheism attacks fundamentalism, which mainstream religion disdains as well.

Religion need not fear atheism, for the latter keeps it on its toes, which is not a bad thing. But the reverse is true as well. No one can prove or disprove the existence of God or the Incarnation, period. Besides, about just what God are they arguing and what does incarnation mean? Clarification rules the day...

Many atheists argue that all people are atheists in relation to the ancient gods (not entirely true) and that all we have to do is stop believing in just one more god and we'll be "free". It seems to me that this last one might just be the One True God in whose wake others have fallen (or not for some). Just because something can't be quantified, fails to render it nonexistent.

Getting Real

2011-06-06T18:41:00.000-05:00

Isn't it sad when some folks think they can merely say "I'm sorry," and all is well? Talk is quite cheap these days, and unless change in behavior follows the words, they are meaningless. In fact, the words are often a lie, uttered out of expediency, needing to look contrite, when one really is not.

Same with love. Saying "I love you" is nice, certainly pleasant to hear, but if the actions before, during, and after saying so don't match the words, they're also meaningless. In fact, it's quite pathetic.

While I was blessed to be raised by emotionally healthy parents who said what they meant and meant what they said, thanks be to God, not everyone was. Someone I care about has an emotionally abusive parent who doesn't see that the wounds she inflicts drives him farther from her. She only cares about herself, because she's never gotten out of whatever she's stuck in. She's as sick as any alcoholic or drug user. May she find the helps she needs; he's beginning to, thankfully.

Not wanting to be a bummer with this post, but those who know me, know that I am deeply real, finding much for what passes as spirituality these days, with its denial of the negative, nothing more than fluff and fairy dust. Life needs to be lived as it is, knowing that the Holy Spirit's right there with us.

Let God be God

2011-06-04T22:58:00.001-05:00

Mystics want God as God is; others want God as they imagine God to be, to paraphrase John Beevers in the introduction to his translation of Jean-Pierre de Cassaude, SJ's Abandonment to Divine Providence. How often in our hubris do we forget that we are made in God's image and likeness, not the other way around.

Probably out of fear and the need to control, folks paint God in a myriad of ways, but all too often in their own image. The Beloved simply IS, so why not simply experience God, for the Divine cannot be grasped...

True mystics dwell among us not wanting to attract attention because it's not about them. They do ordinary things--wash the dishes, mow the lawn, pick up doggy doo--the stuff of life.It is within the ordinary that God works in and through them, quietly, sometimes without them even knowing.

They shudder to be called 'holy.' They do not seek mystical experiences, knowing that various phenomena are real, but not the point, and, actually, distractions to the One Who Is, the Ancient of Days. It is their hope to be engulfed in the Holy Flame, that does not consume but transforms.

Discernment

2011-06-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

Discernment is done daily, not only in monastic formation, but beyond. It is extremely important on those days when prayer does not seem to flow, when I don't want to do the Offices or lectio divina. Yup, monks and nuns sometimes get like that; surprise: we're human too!

Being part of a nontraditional community brings many of the same questions about the monastic life, yet some different ones as well. I live in the world and that changes the dynamic quite a bit, causing focus on other concerns traditional monks and nuns simply don't face. And what of vows?

All vows flow from those made at Baptism. Religious life of any form is simply a more one-pointed focus of those vows, no better, no worse. It does not guarantee holiness, though, sadly, some Religious would like to think it does. Monastic men and women are simply no different than anyone else striving for transformation, but our lives are called to witness to this. So, then, why bother, if we're all called to live out our Baptismal vows, why do this?

Simply, because, ultimately, it's not up to me. For whatever reason, the Beloved calls me to this life of witness as a hermit-monk. Ironic, that, since it is a call rooted in hiddeness, but that doesn't take away from whatever God chooses to do through that, often without my awareness.

Thankfully, I have a mentor in the Community of Solitude, who walks this journey with me, as well as a spiritual friend and mentor, who has been a hermit for over thirty years. They do not tell me what I want to hear, but, rather, serve as mirrors and reflect back to me where I am. I have also been blessed with my brothers and sisters in community, as well as other Religious who share their experiences. For all of them, I am grateful.

So, when it comes time to petition to make Profession, will I do it? I have no idea, since today's what's important.

Holy Play

2011-06-02T17:10:00.000-05:00

Ginger

Playing with 65-lb, Beagle-Lab mix, Ginger is holy, sacramental even. Throwing her, thankfully, indestructible rubber tennis ball, brings her total joy. It gets this hermit out of himself and into the moment, which is, indeed, sacred ground.

Ginger teaches me about unconditional love; it simply doesn't take much to make her content and joy-filled. She reminds me that simplicity of life frees one to live it freely and truly. She doesn't dwell in the past or get lost in a fantasy-filled future. She is a creature of God and celebrates this by being who she is, right now.

Now don't get me wrong. We humans cannot simply live in the present moment until we have faced and let go of our demons from the past, forgiving others and self where necessary. Too much of contemporary spirituality acts as if one can simply forget the effects of the past dwell in some instant bliss. Not so. We have to go through various experiences; emotions not expressed show up in a myriad of other ways in our lives if not expressed. Once faced, these experiences form the unique tapestry of who we are.

The more we do this, however, the more we can become like Ginger, alive in the moment simply being who we are meant to be, alive in God through the power of the Holy Spirit, walking in the Way of Jesus.

Stability

2011-06-01T17:30:00.000-05:00

All Benedictines take the vow of stability, which for more traditional monks and nuns means remaining in one's monastery for life, praying and working. For a contemporary monk or nun, however, no monastery proper exists, so we remain stable in our prayer life--the Offices, lectio, prayers for the community and the world, meditation. In some ways, this is more challenging.

In a monastery, prayer life is scheduled, which makes it a bit easier on some levels, but no less demanding. For those of us in the Community of Solitude, we have to schedule around other things, such as family life, job, school, church involvement: the stuff of life in the world. Not easy. But this vow calls us gently back to
re-membering this commitment.

But our life of prayer, this stability, is not simply centered around formal activities, but out life becomes prayer. More formal prayer leads us deeply to a place where the Holy Spirit enlivens and empowers us. Hence, stability leads to our transformation in Christ.

In our Community, our cell is wherever we find ourselves; our cloister the heart joined with the Beloved and all in the world. This isn't just some nice poetry, but, rather, the fruits of stability in prayer. We uphold each other and others through it. Stability puts us in our rightful place (humus-near the earth, humble), wherein we find ourselves nurtured. By God's grace, as we are transformed, so others too.

Abu Ghosh Monastery, Israel

Simply Christian

2011-05-31T17:45:00.002-05:00

So much extremism evident in Christianity today. On the one the hand, those who would like to go back to "the good ole days" with their triumphant restoration of one type or another, seeking to define who's "in' and who's "out," by bringing errant folks in line. On the other hand, such an extreme liberalism that waters down Christianity so much that it loses its flavor. Nor do I wish to see a fence-sitting Christianity that's afraid to BE the Gospel in the world today. How about being simply Christian?

Simple Christianity finds itself less concerned with turf, and more focused on bringing the People of God together, by empowering them in service and worship. It focuses on BEING the Gospel, and while it accepts the truths contained in the Creeds, realizes that they come from the linear Greek philosophical tradition and a cosmology that no longer exists, and, thus, seeks way to embody and experience these truths rather than merely recite them. It does not simply throw them out.

It is a Way that welcomes LGBT folks and no longer studies them as if they're some sort of disincarnate species rather than flesh-and-blood humans. It, likewise, celebrates the presence of women, people of color, and various groups who dance God's diversity. It certainly takes joy in the contributions of Caucasian folks and straight folks, too, and does not push them out of the way either, in the name of politically correct inclusivity.

It, too, honors other spiritual paths acknowledging that God's tapestry has threads of many colors, but does not deny that Jesus' death on the Cross is one of deep love for all people and that his Resurrection, however it happened, changes his followers profoundly.

Whether those call from within the community for ordination or those blessed with other forms of ministry, all must come together, humbly, to make community happen; they must wash each other's feet...

Simple Christianity challenges its people to live deeply spiritual lives of inner silence and deep prayer that informs outer action. It preaches the Gospel like Francis and Clare, using words when necessary and reminds of the need for cultivating the spiritual life through prayer and work, like Benedict and Scholastica.

This is about Relationship! Jesus is not some king on the clouds in a Cecil B. DeMille extravaganza or simply the leader of the peasant revolt, but desires the transformation of ALL people and the world in which they live.

It seems to me that the Eucharistic meal must form the backbone of this movement and needs to be celebrated daily, not just weekly.

Remembering

2011-05-30T11:53:00.001-05:00

No matter what we feel about particular wars, those who fought and died in them, who went through that hell, deserve our respect. May you rest in peace. Those who were injured, some permanently, deserve that respect as well as all the resources we have to help you heal. That is the least we as a country can do.

My prayer this day is that we as people of Earth can somehow evolve beyond killing the "other," in often manufactured conflicts. I am not naive and know that it won't happen over night, but we must strive for this individually, and as a people. It seems to me that we each must reach that of God in our own being in order to see God in the other--for there lies our hope.

May future Memorial Days allow us to remember with humility how we used to handle conflict, so that we stay the course for peace.

Letting Go

2011-05-29T10:06:00.002-05:00

Letting go is difficult sometimes, no matter how long you've been on the journey. My goal with this blog is to post every day (at least during the Summer); so much for human-made plans! Nothing flowed yesterday, but a bunch of starts and stops.It's maddening being someone who loves to write, and then have nothing come out. Seems I needed the reminder that it's not about me at all.

How often we delude ourselves, thinking we're in control. Guess what? We're not. We do this in the spiritual life, often thinking if we believe the right things or do the right spiritual practices, we'll get somewhere. When this is done rigidly, it crushes it and makes a mockery of religion. Religion then becomes something to "master" like any other subject. Then, upon so doing, we want everyone else to be just like us. Doesn't work.

Religion provides markers along the path, but we have to let go and trust our Beloved to guide us. This is a relationship. Most folks are so terrified of their own free will to do this because they might just change in the process. Love, like grace, is not cheap. A heart that loves, ultimately bleeds. Jesus shows us that.

Religious fundamentalism, whether right or left, kills the soul; much New Age spirituality suffocates it. How can one really grow if the focus is so much on the self, as it is, ultimately, in both? Yes, the Reign of God is within, as Jesus tells us, but we only get to realize that when we let go of our need to control, looking beyond ourselves to the Christ that speaks through serving others.

Lord, save me!

Kenosian Rhapsody

2011-05-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

Kenosian Rhapsody

transparent pilgrim, light

flows everywhere, indigo ribboning

soul, fluid body this mine/

not mine

Eucharistic offering

flows toward me,

stops, as I embrace,

become one with

burst into flame firing dancing,

burns not consumes,

holy ground this, listen

small voice thunders

old ways, old days

past, yet new, shining

beautiful pottery breaks, roots

solid, tree reaches moving with ruach's benediction

hermit's hands, feet, side vibrate

resonance folly, Golgotha's moment,

taken, broken, offered, received

empowered, sent

mountains laugh, hills sing

six streams, one rushing river, ocean One

yet many,

winds chant monastic,

trees leaves, kaleidoscopic dawn

Lux Christi!

ruach: breath of God

Kenosis: filling by and with the Beloved

Standing on the Razor's Edge

2011-05-26T17:46:00.000-05:00

As a Religious, my life places me at the edge of Church and society. My calling challenges me to witness to Christ, not by proselytizing, but simply by being. A hermit-monk's or nun's whole life is counter-cultural, challenging all Christians to live their Baptismal Vows fully, strive for their own transformation, and embody compassion, making the world a better place. This is not a popular place to be. In fact, Religious are dangerous for this very reason!

But part of that transformation means compassionate awareness of others, particularly those who suffer injustice, whether by the Church or the State. A monk or nun can stand back, look at the entire picture, striving to do so with Christ's eyes. Like the Trappist Thomas Merton, he or she can raise awareness through simple words, spoken or written, pointing to the situation. It is then that the monk or nun gets out of the way and lets the Holy Spirit act. Humility brings the realization that whatever happens, it is not about the monastic.

In the Community of Solitude, we find ourselves in a different situation in that we don't live in a monastery. Our cells are wherever we find ourselves; our cloister within our hearts. But this doesn't change our primary vocation of prayer, silence and solitude; yet, when the need arises, we can take a more public stand, but always rooted within that primary vocation. Like the willow in a tempest, we are rooted firmly but flexible as we raise our hands and hearts to the Beloved.

Saints

2011-05-25T23:42:00.004-05:00

When I was a Roman Catholic teenager, I remember telling my Mom in a fit of fervor that I wanted to visit a saint's tomb. Without batting an eye, she said "go to any cemetery." Stopped me in my tracks, I'll tell ya!

When a person told the late Dorothy Day she was a saint, she snapped "don't dismiss me that easily!" All too often we look at the saints as being so far beyond our reality, that we feel we can't possibly attain their holiness, so we don't try. Unfortunately, the Church has often saccharinized the biographies of these holy men and women.

Saints struggle with much the same fears and questions as we do. Their holiness comes from persevering in faith, despite their own doubts and weaknesses. Many go unrecognized, but walk amongst us every day caring for others, praying with them, and working for justice, their saintly vocation hidden.

For those holy ones who have died, we can ask them to pray with us as we do family and friends. They do not, however, grant favors of their own accord. They are never far from us, and, might just be us, through the grace and love of Christ.

Long Life Study: Conclusions Surprising

2011-05-24T21:08:00.002-05:00

In an article at PsychCentral.com, a nice synopsis of the Longevity Project appears. The Conventional Wisdom of simply being happy does not apply to living a long time, according to the study. The article is short, so I will not reproduce it here. The following words, however, struck me:

While an optimistic approach can be helpful in a crisis, “we found that as a general life-orientation, too much of a sense that ‘everything will be just fine’ can be dangerous because it can lead one to be careless about things that are important to health and long life. Prudence and persistence, however, led to a lot of important benefits for many years.

“It turns out that happiness is not a root cause of good health. Instead, happiness and health go together because they have common roots.”

It seems to me that a big part of this study's lesson--beyond what leads to living a long time--is that happiness in and of itself is not everything. If one is happy all the time, for what does he or she have left to strive? What about the pain in life? Perhaps the more n'er-do-well types live in denial, thus taking more risky behaviors.

Our consumerist culture focuses all its energy on pre-packaged happiness, that somehow when experienced, should give us all we need, but it lets us down--it's never enough, so we have to go looking for more. The everything-is-going-to-be-okay-no-matter-what attitude is an illusion, and a dangerous one.

The thought of being "happy" 24/7 is akin to eating too many hot fudge sundaes: the first one's great, but the rest will make you sick. Too much sweetness not balanced by the savory is not good. It not only leads to a shorter lifespan apparently, but also to a life of less quality.

So, no, happiness is not the point. JOY is! They are different in that the latter flows from within a person who has had his or heart broken open in pain, yet, remained diligent in living life. It leads one to pay attention to his or her surroundings presently, not dwell in the past or long for an imagined future. The only way to deal with pain is to walk through it.

I cannot be happy that in less than a year, I have endured the death of my Mom, one of my dogs, and a monastic friend. It sucks. My monastic friend helped me through a rather terrifying dark night of the soul (which is not depression or grief incidentally) wherein I thought I was losing it, which, praise God, I was on some level! My whole world and its place in it changed, or at least my perspective did. But I am in no way bitter, but now know a joyfulness that permeates my being, though I still miss those who died and the spiritual security I thought I had before. Having gone through such equips and inspires me to help others as well.

So, will I live a longer life because of this? I don't know, and frankly don't care. I want to live my life to the fullest in each and every moment no matter what life throws at me, knowing that this too shall pass.

My First Language is Silence

2011-05-23T12:46:00.003-05:00

Talk is cheap. It's amazing how often we can verbalize merely to hear ourselves sound important or to drown out the silence, perhaps both. Many folks seemingly have to have a radio playing or television blaring--white noise--in order to feel secure. Others cannot be apart from their beloved texting, which, while silent in and of itself, creates a cacophony within.

Silence is not merely the absence of external sound. It is, in reality, a state of being, and, as such, does not drop out of the sky, but needs cultivation, through a life of contemplation, meditation, and prayer. St. Romuald, founder of the Camladolese Benedictines, tells the monk and nun "like a skilled angler on the lookout for a catch keep a careful eye on your thoughts.The path you must follow is in the Psalms--never leave it...and if your mind wanders as you read, do not give up; hurry back and apply your mind to the words once more" (Brief Rule 3,4,6). But even when one is not reading, he or she is called back to mindful attention; this applies to all, not just the vowed Religious.

Like a beautiful garden, weeds need removing, the soul needs emptying of attachments which block its way to the Beloved. This is kenosis. As this weeding takes place, emptiness takes hold, wherein the temptation is to fill it with the white noise mentioned above. It is here that letting go even further must take place, this terrifying vulnerability wherein God must be realized; this is theosis.

Are people afraid of what God might be saying to them? Maybe it's what we don't want to hear sometimes, so better to drown it out, rather than be pulled kicking and screaming from our comfort zone. Discipleship in Christ is not about having things exactly as we want them, but transformation. It is through silence that we learn to listen to that still small voice, whether we are in a physical monastery, or our monastic cell, which is wherever one finds oneself.

So, yes, Silence is my first language, because it slows me down, fine tunes my inner hearing, opens me not always to happiness but, in fact, oftentimes pain, but, a deep-found joy, nevertheless. It is to this that my monastic life witnesses.

Without Borders?!!

2011-05-23T00:30:00.007-05:00

This monk is a catholic Christian before he is anything else, including a monk, LOL!! The vows eventually professed by me flow from the Baptismal Vows. Jesus Christ is my way, truth and life; the Eucharist, which feeds me, intersects sacred and secular, uniting them for the Beloved dances in and through All. Before I can approach another tradition in its fullness, I have to know who I am and where I stand, yet, must do so with an open and radiant heart.

But once I let go and go deeper, through contemplative practice, meditation, chant, and prayer, ego walls fall like those at Jericho, the herald's trumpet tumbling them. It is then, that I, a monk in the Camaldolese tradition, can dance with the kabbalistic Jew, the socially engaged Buddhist, and the joyous Sufi, each honoring the other's tradition. This heart resonance is not syncretism, simply deep sharing and understanding. At this level, when I look into my brother's or sister's eyes, God looks back!

Do I then throw away all doctrine of my tradition? No, but I am humbled to realize that it points to a greater Reality, mysterious, yet personal, in the Incarnation. Like Buddha's finger pointing to the moon, one must never mistake his fingertip for the moon; I should never mistake doctrine for the greater Mystery to which it points.

Welcome!

2011-05-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

Know that all who have landed here are welcomed as Christ. This is one contemporary hermit-monk's musings about life. So, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and pull up a chair. Let us share and grow in the process!