Sunday, May 19, 2013
An Empty Fullness
It is amazing the twists and turns that my spiritual journey has taken. I have gone over bumps, been jostled to and fro, hit brick walls, and have had any sense of God disappear completely from my life. I have also been to the depths and heights of ecstasy, feeling as if God embraced me completely. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Undoubtedly, most of those looking on simply don't get it--especially the ones who think they do. They mean no harm. Each of us has different ways of God-awareness.
It seems I have come to the place where Meister Eckhart's prayer has been totally realized: "I pray God rid me of God." There simply is no God there. Hell, there's no there, there. Unlike when I hit the brick wall known as the Dark Night awhile back, no terror this time. A sense of total peace pervades my being.
The challenge of this awareness is that church doesn't feel right. I feel completely disconnected from it. Again, I am not unsettled about this, merely grieving its loss. This is an amazing liminal space in which the Divine has led me.
Furthermore, I need to let be what is. No need to fight it or run from it. Just accept. Patience and faith.
At this point, I don't know whether God exists or doesn't exist. Methinks the emptiness must even include this: total letting go of all that went before. I do not know where I will end up, but I'm in this for the duration.
Chogyam Rinpoche supposedly once said of the spiritual journey, better to have never begun. Oy! He was onto something here!
What I can do is be in the present moment, mindfully. No more; no less. What a trip...