Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Sweet Yes

The author of Harry Potter was asked in an interview about her beliefs. J.K. Rowling replied that she realized them by reading what she wrote; they came through in her writing. If one writes in truth without attempting to control, the heart speaks.

It's interesting when I read over the postings from the beginning of this blog, how Benedictine it is. My heart dances as a solitary within community to a harmony of St Benedict, St Scholastica and St Romuald. Sometimes one has to step back, take a breath, and look with the eyes of faith.

Any one in formation as a Religious should experience doubts. This monk has struggled deeply with whether this is my call or not, or even if I should be a Religious. I was blessed to spend much of the last few days in total solitude and simply let go of the question, without expectations. It takes surrender to know the truth. It came to me clearly and without any doubt that this is who I am called to be.  

What I would call my completely natural self came to the fore during that time, as no distractions could claim me, thanks be to God. It took a bit of struggle, but once letting go, the answer made itself clear in a hot, former convent. Usually answers like this are so blasted simple we miss them--mine were there in my blog, and confirmed in the recesses of my heart. No angelic choirs announced it, no fireworks filled the skies, rather a sweet "Yes" permeates my being.

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